As the school year winds down, I find myself eagerly awaiting summer break, just like my sixth grader. It’s an undeniable truth that parents often need the summer respite just as much—if not more—than the kids do. I definitely need a break.
With two children—my eldest, Max, is 11 and preparing to transition out of elementary school, while my youngest, Lily, is 9—I’ve been actively volunteering at their school since Max started kindergarten in 2008. It’s not that I’ve been coerced into this role; I genuinely want to be involved in my children’s education and derive joy from it. As a work-from-home parent, I sometimes feel that my role is defined more by “from home” than by “work.” To counteract feelings of idleness, I committed myself to volunteering. Not only do our public schools depend heavily on parental involvement, but I recognize how fortunate I am to have the time to contribute.
But let me tell you, at times, it felt like a chore.
The first elementary school my kids attended had a wonderful culture of parent participation. Parents were essential in classrooms, fundraising efforts, and coordinating extracurricular activities. It felt like a genuine partnership among teachers, staff, and parents, and it was hard not to get swept up in that enthusiasm. Many parents, even those with jobs, dedicated at least a day a month to school activities, with others contributing even more. As the PTA historian, I meticulously tracked our parents’ volunteer hours for two years.
During this time, I took on numerous volunteer roles. As an eager first-time kindergarten parent, I signed up for everything that piqued my interest. I attended PTA meetings regularly until I was invited to join the board as a historian, then secretary. I became a room parent, helped compile the yearbook, assisted in classrooms during language arts and physical education, coached a Girls on the Run group (despite not having daughters), and even participated in something called the Wellness Committee. Honestly, I’m still unsure of what the Wellness Committee actually accomplished.
By the time Max finished fourth grade, and with two kids now in school alongside my part-time job as a language arts tutor, I felt overworked and burned out from volunteering. While I appreciated the friendships formed and the work itself, it became clear that I couldn’t do everything. I didn’t want to do everything. In fact, I began to resent it. I realized that the activities I enjoyed most—PTA meetings, the Walking Club, and language arts assistance—were far more fulfilling than being a room parent (I’m definitely not the Pinterest type!) or supervising chaotic physical education sessions or whatever the Wellness Committee was up to. I promised myself to focus only on what I truly loved the following year.
Then we relocated, and I faced a new school with similar volunteer needs but a different culture regarding parental involvement. Eager to integrate into this community, I overcommitted myself yet again, leading me to the robotics program.
Robotics
In seven years of volunteering, coaching a robotics team has been the most challenging role I’ve taken on. With minimal engineering knowledge and limited STEM experience beyond basic college courses, I found myself reluctantly leading a First Lego League team. I didn’t even want to participate, but my involvement would allow five more kids to join, including my son, who was transitioning to this new school.
Reluctantly, I agreed to take the helm of the robotics team, assured by a more experienced coach that it would be simple and that we would receive support. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. My co-coach and I relied heavily on trial and error, and while the kids eventually grasped the robotics software better than we did, it took significant time to get there. As a result, we were ill-prepared for the season-ending tournament.
Coaching occurred late in the evenings after long school days and soccer practices. Ever tried to get a bunch of tired kids to focus on programming a robot when Lego blocks are all around? That’s the challenge I faced.
The silver lining? The kids truly enjoyed the robotics program, and my co-coach turned out to be a fantastic mom with similar parenting philosophies. However, everything else about the robotics experience was challenging. While the kids were enthusiastic, and the competition was enjoyable, I couldn’t shake the feeling that they could have gained so much more with a coach who had a stronger background in math or engineering.
My experience with the PTA at the new school wasn’t any better. I noticed that teachers utilized parent volunteers differently compared to my previous school. While I returned to robotics this year to allow more kids to participate, I stepped back from classroom volunteering and the PTA. I did help coach track this spring, where I could draw on my 20-plus years of running experience to offer valuable advice, which felt rewarding unlike my previous roles.
When I coached robotics, I felt like I had let the kids down. They could have learned more and performed better in the competition if I had been a more qualified coach. Witnessing other parents being criticized for suggesting new fundraisers for the PTA infuriated me. No parent should feel like a failure for volunteering their time, nor should they feel obligated to participate in activities that drain all the joy from volunteering.
Public schools need engaged parents, especially given the severe budget cuts many face. However, it’s tempting to jump in and sign up for everything. For those who thrive in that environment, that’s fantastic. I used to think it was great, too, as I saw the positive impact on students and formed friendships through volunteer work.
I don’t regret my involvement, but I’ve decided to step back. My children will be moving on to new schools next year. I plan to attend a few PTA meetings to see where help is needed but won’t blindly sign up for everything or let guilt dictate my participation. The saying “Do what you love, love what you do” may be cliché in the workforce, but it rings true in the realm of volunteering. From now on, I’m only volunteering for things I truly love.
And if anyone figures out what the Wellness Committee does, please let me know. You can find me running at the track.
In Summary
While volunteering at schools can be rewarding, it’s important to recognize your limits and focus on what you truly enjoy. Both my kids are moving forward to new schools, and I intend to prioritize my time and energy effectively rather than overcommitting out of guilt or obligation.
Keyphrase: Why I Stopped Overcommitting to Volunteer Requests
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