Before you dive into this, take a moment to close your eyes and think back to your happiest childhood memory. What comes to mind? What were you up to, and who was with you?
If you’re anything like me, those joyful recollections likely involve friends rather than parents. This notion is supported by Dr. Benjamin Curtis, author of Home and Happy: The Benefits of Time Away from Parents for Kids. When he asks parent groups to reflect on their fondest memories, only about 20 percent mention family vacations or special holidays. The overwhelming majority—around 80 percent—recall adventures with friends, exploring the world independently and away from parental watch.
I’ve been mulling over Curtis’ insightful book lately because my 9-year-old son is about to embark on his first sleepaway camp adventure. Just like him, I began my own camp journey the summer after fourth grade, and I absolutely loved it. Some of my most treasured memories stem from those weeks filled with campfire stories, fun pranks, and late-night giggles. The anticipation for my son is palpable, but so is the worry. What if he doesn’t enjoy it? What if he absolutely loves it?
My mother once shared that my time at sleepaway camp opened her eyes to the reality that parenting wouldn’t always revolve around that “constant need.” Back then, I didn’t grasp what she meant, but as I watch my little boy transition from a dependent toddler into a capable child ready to spend two weeks away from home, I understand now. He is the one who expressed the desire to go to camp, probably inspired by my own enthusiastic stories about the friendships and lessons I gained from those summers.
This is exactly what I hoped for, right? For him to cultivate independence and take those vital steps toward becoming his own person? Curtis argues convincingly that time spent away from home and school is essential for children to discover their inner strength and gain life skills through challenging experiences. He emphasizes that while we may try to keep our kids safe, giving them the freedom to explore is the real gift. As he aptly states, “We cannot keep our children perfectly safe, but we can drive them crazy trying.”
I brace myself for the possibility that my son might arrive at camp and feel overwhelming homesickness after just a few days. I’m prepared for that scenario. On the flip side, I also need to be ready for him to love it so much that he might not want to leave when it’s time to come home.
While I’ll be anxiously checking my phone during those two weeks, worrying about all that could go wrong, it’s highly likely that he won’t be thinking about me at all. And that’s perfectly fine. I hope those days will be exhilarating and liberating for him, even if they feel bittersweet for me.
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In summary, allowing our children the opportunity to experience life independently, away from our constant presence, can foster their growth and development. As parents, it’s about striking a balance between nurturing and giving them the space they need to thrive.
Keyphrase: Giving Kids Independence
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