Updated: July 8, 2021
Originally Published: May 30, 2015
Even by the relaxed standards of 1970s parenting, I had a notably free-spirited upbringing. My mother embraced a philosophy of child-rearing that favored freedom over control. There were no set bedtimes; we simply fell asleep wherever we were when exhaustion struck.
Each of us had our own TVs in our rooms, which is probably how I ended up learning more about romance from The Love Boat than any typical 6-year-old should. When it came to the idea of quitting, my mother didn’t offer motivational speeches. My older brother detested summer camp, so he spent those warm months immersed in Dungeons & Dragons and classic arcade games. If I was ever disenchanted with an after-school activity, my mother’s advice was simple: “If you’re not enjoying it, just quit.” So that’s exactly what I did.
I withdrew from gymnastics, pottery classes, and musical theater. I quit Hebrew school, ice skating, and even my high school track team. I may not have known what truly suited me, but I was certainly figuring out what didn’t. I took my mother’s philosophy into adulthood, leaving behind twelve jobs that didn’t resonate with me—until I finally found the right fit.
Then one day, my eight-year-old daughter, Lily, announced she wanted to quit ballet after five years of classes. Instantly, I found myself saying, “You’re not a quitter.” This response wasn’t something I learned from my mother.
“Why can’t I quit?” she asked, her face scrunched in confusion. I paused to consider why her desire to quit bothered me. It was the money we had invested and the time she dedicated to pursuing what I thought was a worthy goal. But perhaps the issue was that it was my aspiration for her—not necessarily hers.
Modern parenting often implies that our children must be winners, and winners, as the saying goes, never quit. But does my child actually need to be a winner? I’m not so sure. Vince Lombardi, often hailed as a legendary NFL coach, famously stated, “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” Yet Lombardi was also known for his harsh treatment of his family. Are these two aspects connected? Perhaps.
My children may not grow up to be winners in the traditional sense, but they’ll develop into confident individuals with their self-esteem intact. A good friend recently questioned, “Why do we put so much pressure on our kids? Just look at us.” She was right: I’m a decent middle-class parent, but I’m no Nobel Prize winner or Olympic athlete.
Speaking of which, sure, Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs never gave up. Michael Phelps also persevered, becoming the most decorated Olympian in history. But his mother enrolled him in swimming classes as a way to channel his excess energy, which led to his success. What if she had chosen art or music instead? Chances are he would have wanted to quit those pursuits.
This realization dawned on me: if my daughter stayed in ballet against her will, she would miss out on valuable time that could be spent exploring her true passions. Perhaps my mother was onto something: pursue what brings you joy. After all, the best advice she ever shared was, “If you’re not loving it, quit.”
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In summary, the journey of parenting is filled with choices, and sometimes quitting is just as important as persevering. It’s essential to help our children find their passions and enjoy their pursuits, even if that means stepping away from something they no longer love.
Keyphrase: Motherhood and the Art of Quitting
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