My daughter made it crystal clear on her third birthday that she wasn’t interested in the frilly Hawaiian dress I had set aside for her party. With a stomp of her foot and arms crossed, she declared, “I am not a doll!” Since that day, dresses have been off the table. Not for significant occasions like her first communion, a cousin’s wedding, or even my uncle’s funeral. Instead, she opted for white pants and a green jacket for her communion, skillfully avoided a skort for lacrosse by playing goalie, and evaded a long black skirt for band by choosing percussion.
This aversion to dresses has been manageable until this year, as my daughter and her friends are turning 13 and attending a slew of bar and bat mitzvahs. When she suggested wearing khakis and a long-sleeve T-shirt to her friend’s bat mitzvah, I knew we needed to find a middle ground. Her compromise was black pants from her band uniform paired with a plain blue button-down shirt, but it still lacked the celebratory vibe.
We faced the inevitable—a trip to the mall, which wasn’t exactly my idea of fun. I prefer shopping at Ann Taylor or Loft or browsing online at Garnet Hill. To ease her into this outing, we started with a snack at a café, where we laid down some fashion ground rules—anything but pink, purple, or floral patterns. Fortunately, that left us plenty of options.
I prepared her for the chaos of the juniors’ department, filled with loud music and over-the-top dresses. We strolled through, joking about the strapless, sequined options. The children’s department was a no-go; she had clearly outgrown that section. Climbing the escalator to the adult section, we hoped to find something more suitable, but struck out again.
Just as she was ready to give up and revert to her khakis, I decided to ask a salesperson at Nordstrom for assistance. We were directed to a section featuring chic black and white tops, silky black pants, and cardigans. My daughter picked out a geometric-patterned top and a black cardigan, insisting she would wear her band pants with them. However, we coaxed her into trying the silky black pants as well.
To her surprise, she loved the harem pants—baggy and comfy, almost like her cargo pants. The cherry on top was her choice of shoes: stylish black high-top sneakers that zip up at the back, eliminating the need to hassle with laces.
While the outfit may not meet the traditional dress code for most bar mitzvahs, for her, it was the perfect blend of dressy and comfortable. Most importantly, it aligned with her unique style, allowing her to feel like the best version of herself, rather than conforming to someone else’s expectations.
After purchasing her new clothes, I asked how comfortable she felt in her outfit on a scale from one to ten, with 10 being her go-to cargo pants and hoodies, and 1 being a dress. Without hesitation, she responded, “7.” The salesperson and I exchanged knowing smiles; achieving a comfort level of 7 for a dressy outfit is a win in my book.
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In summary, finding the right attire for my tomboy teen is a journey filled with negotiation and understanding. By respecting her preferences and encouraging her to express her style, we found an outfit that made her feel confident and comfortable.
Keyphrase: tomboy teen fashion
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