There are two things in life that send me into sheer panic:
- The idea of being trapped underground.
- My kids asking for a sleepover party.
I’ve bravely hosted a sleepover party twice, and I can confidently say that was two times too many. The details of these events are pretty fuzzy (as they tend to be with anything traumatic), but the emotional journey of a sleepover unfolds like this:
Denial
Before the chaos begins, you convince yourself with positive affirmations:
- How bad could it possibly be?
- I’ve lined up plenty of fun activities.
- My child’s friends are delightful and make wise choices.
- I make wise choices too!
You give yourself a mental high-five for being the best parent ever and envision a serene evening where you can work on a puzzle or tackle a DIY project while the kids happily entertain themselves. #blessed
Total Mayhem
However, within five seconds of the first guest’s arrival, Denial is thrown out the window in favor of Total Mayhem. A group of 10 enthusiastic kids transforms your house into a scene from a wild circus. It’s like herding cats on caffeine! The boys scatter everywhere—inside, outside, upstairs, and downstairs—playing games, ignoring games, glued to their phones, then suddenly shouting things like, “I can’t find my phone!” “I’m starving!” and “My sister has lice.” (Wait, what?!)
So many questions fly your way:
- Where’s my iPad?
- Do you have a charger? (Not that kind!)
- What type of dog is that?
- Where’s Max?
- Where’s my underwear?
- What smells?
- Is it time for cake yet?
All the while, you can’t help but wonder: Where did my partner disappear to? After a marathon of this (okay, it only feels like six hours when it’s really three), you manage to herd them into one room for some downtime with popcorn and a movie, hoping this will calm the storm.
Silly You!
The movie lasts approximately nine minutes before the kids declare they’ve already seen it a million times and “that movie is terrible!” Instead, they choose to wrestle, toss candy at each other, and engage in high-energy video games because, you know, YOLO!
Frustration
After two more hours of pandemonium, you enter a stage known as “Please, for the love of sleep, go to bed!” This is when the Frustration phase kicks in. From midnight to 2 a.m., your cheerful mom persona shifts into a frazzled lunatic. After countless trips to and from the room, feelings of deep resentment set in.
You find yourself seething with anger at:
- Yourself (Seriously? 10 boys? Genius move.)
- The film industry for producing such a boring movie.
- The inventor of Xbox (who you might have called a “jerk” in your mind).
- Your partner, who reappeared just long enough to steal a slice of cake before crashing after some immature jokes.
You’re also not thrilled with the cast of characters:
- Bathroom Bandit: This kid has the bladder of an elderly person and seems to need frequent trips to the bathroom.
- Candy Kid: The one who gorged on sweets and now looks like he might vomit.
- Loud Whisperer: Just when everyone starts to doze off, this kid decides it’s the perfect time to recount every detail of a viral video.
- Phone Ninja: Even after confiscating all devices, this sneaky one somehow has a phone that pings every ten minutes with texts.
Panic
Around 2 a.m., frustration quickly morphs into panic. You realize that sleep may be a distant dream. You comfort yourself with thoughts like:
- What if they never sleep?
- What if they NEVER sleep?
Bargaining
This stage is your last-ditch effort to regain control. You plead for mercy: “For the love of all that is good, please just go to sleep!” You even contemplate the “ugly cry” strategy to guilt them into submission but worry it might cause nightmares. Perhaps a glass of warm milk or a Benadryl brownie would do the trick? Anyone? Please?
Exhaustion
By 3 a.m., you feel like you’ve been in a heavyweight boxing match. You’re worn out, overwhelmed, and questioning your life choices. To make matters worse, you have to feed them again in just a few short hours. Hopefully, like childbirth, the trauma will fade in a few weeks.
Acceptance
Miraculously, you wake up the next morning just in time to greet the cheery, well-rested parents arriving to pick up their little ones. They share tales of their fun date nights and how they enjoyed sleeping in until 9 a.m. You smile and tell them what perfect angels their kids were while standing there, braless and mascara running down your face, plucking popcorn and candy remnants from your hair.
Then, your disheveled, sleepy child appears, wraps you in a big hug, and says, “Thanks, Mom! That was so much fun!” Same time next year? Why not!
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Summary
The chaotic journey of hosting a sleepover party takes you through stages of denial, mayhem, frustration, panic, bargaining, exhaustion, and finally acceptance. Despite the madness, the joy on your child’s face makes it all worth it, and you might just find yourself planning another sleepover in the future.
Keyphrase: The Seven Stages of a Sleepover Party
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