If you’re a woman who has shared any feelings of sadness or dissatisfaction following your birth experience, you’ve likely encountered the phrase: “All that matters is a healthy baby.” While this sentiment may seem obvious, it often feels unnecessary and can contribute to feelings of guilt and isolation. New moms, it’s perfectly fine to feel upset about your birth experience. It doesn’t make you a bad parent or an uncaring person.
When I gave birth to my daughter, the delivery turned into an emergency situation that left me shaken. The doctors rushed me into surgery as my baby’s heart rate dropped dangerously low. In those moments, panic consumed me. I couldn’t shake the thought, “This is it—terrible things happen to people. Why would I be any different? My baby might not make it.” Thankfully, she was born healthy, and I’m grateful for that, but it didn’t erase the fear and shock I experienced that day. My memory of the birth is filled with anxiety and dread, making it difficult to heal emotionally afterward.
For months, I cried almost daily, each time someone uttered, “Well, the main thing is that your baby is healthy.” I wanted to respond, “Really? Tell me something I don’t know.” It felt like I was failing my first test of motherhood by not being able to instantly dismiss my feelings and simply feel grateful.
When someone faces a difficult experience, it’s common for others to rush to reassure them that it could have been worse. But this reaction only serves to invalidate their feelings. Women who have endured birth trauma—or those who simply didn’t enjoy their experience for various reasons—should feel empowered to express their feelings. The arrival of a new child is a monumental, life-altering event. Why shouldn’t a mother feel deeply about how it unfolded?
Telling a woman to ignore her emotions because she has a healthy baby is not only patronizing but can be downright cruel. It implies that her feelings are unwarranted because someone else might have it worse. Yes, there are mothers who experience the unimaginable loss of a child during childbirth, and that is a tragedy that cannot be compared to feelings of disappointment or trauma. Attempting to comfort a new mom by reminding her of the potential for worse outcomes is not helpful.
If you know someone who has had a challenging birth, consider saying:
- “I’m sorry.”
- “You made it through.”
- “I’m here for you.”
Try to resist the urge to focus solely on the baby. Remember, a woman who has given birth is still a person with her own feelings and experiences.
If you’re curious about starting your journey into motherhood, check out Make a Mom’s guide to artificial insemination kits for helpful resources. And for those looking to explore fertility options, their intracervical insemination syringe kit is a great choice. For more information on pregnancy and related topics, visit Healthline for valuable insights.
In summary, it’s important to acknowledge that every mother’s experience is unique. Feeling disappointed after birth is valid, and you deserve to express those emotions without guilt. Lean on supportive friends, and prioritize your own feelings as you navigate this life-changing journey.
Keyphrase: postpartum emotions
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