If you swing by my place unannounced, particularly during daylight hours while my partner is at work, brace yourself for a wild ride. This might very well be your last visit!
- First things first: I probably haven’t showered. Maybe I managed to freshen up yesterday, but today? Not a chance. So, keep your distance, and try not to judge (okay, maybe a little judgment is warranted).
- My hair will be in a messy bun on top of my head, resembling a greasy nest that doesn’t need a hair tie to stay put. My 3-year-old delights in plopping a shiny ball on his head and exclaiming, “Look, I’m Mommy!” It’s adorably amusing, in a chaotic sort of way.
- Don’t be surprised if my arms are crossed over my chest—no bra here! Alternatively, I might be strategically holding a child in front of me. Don’t be shocked if I suddenly hand the little one to you and dash off to my room for a quick fix.
- Fatigue will be evident; those dark circles under my eyes are hard to miss, especially since I won’t be wearing any makeup.
- Toys will be strewn across the floor, creating an obstacle course of sorts.
- Prepare for an aroma that’s a delightful blend of dirty diapers and apple cinnamon air freshener. You’ll likely arrive during a particularly explosive diaper change or as I’m on the hunt for a hidden toddler who had an “oops” moment. It’s messy, and I apologize for that.
- The floors? Expect them to be sticky—thank you, toddlers!
- There’s a solid chance someone will be crying, and it might even be me.
- My kids will likely swarm you, treating you like a rare breed of human they’ve never encountered before.
- There will definitely be something bubbling away in my slow cooker. Honestly, without my trusty crock pot, we’d probably starve.
- You might also find a load of laundry in the washer that I’ve had to rewash for the third day running. It’s a source of frustration for me; I feel like I’m perpetually doing laundry.
- On the couch, you’ll spot a pile of laundry that I’ve folded and refolded at least once a day for the last few days. Again, toddlers.
- Sitting on the couch will be a challenge; where there’s no laundry, there’ll be little boys launching themselves and yelling “Cannonball!”
- I’ll likely have my kids showcase every new skill they’ve mastered recently. I’m bursting with pride, and I’ll expect you to play along!
- Initially, I might feel a bit embarrassed, but I’ll genuinely be glad to see you. It’s refreshing to chat with someone who’s closer to my eye level.
- You’ll receive an even warmer welcome if you arrive bearing coffee—an iced raspberry white mocha would be heavenly!
- I may inform you that I’ll be right back after leaving you with my kids. In that brief moment, I’ll make my escape to emerge with clean, flower-scented hair, moisturized skin, and a fresh perspective on life.
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In summary, if you find yourself at my house unexpectedly, prepare for a chaotic, yet endearing experience filled with adorable messes, tired smiles, and a chance to connect amidst the delightful chaos of parenting.
Keyphrase: What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting
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