There was a phase in my life when I found myself going on an endless string of dates with various men. Spoiler alert: none of them were Matthew McConaughey. It was a whirlwind—exciting, empowering, and a bit isolating. This dating spree was part of my journey to rediscover myself after a divorce, allowing me to experiment with different aspects of my personality while engaging in adult conversations that didn’t revolve around who was the latest kid to have an accident at nap time or debates about the merits of Star Wars.
However, amidst the charming guys and intriguing conversations, there were also some truly ridiculous comments that made me cringe. I mean, my four-year-old would never say such nonsensical things! Here are some of the most memorable gems I encountered:
- “You look way better in person than in your profile picture!”
Wow, thanks for the backhanded compliment, Mr. Cat-Hair Sweater! You pursued me, after all, so should I take this as a sign I met your very low expectations? Ironically, he was far less appealing in real life than his profile photos, setting the stage for a disastrous date. - “All my exes are crazy. Like, need-medication crazy.”
Newsflash, gentlemen: women don’t buy this. We are often labeled as someone’s “crazy ex,” so if you’re the common factor, it’s time to take a hard look in the mirror. This little nugget came right after he was shocked by my “real-life” beauty. - “I think you’re too needy to go out with again.”
This was the third strike for Mr. Cat-Hair Sweater, who spent the date ranting about his exes while I sipped on my PBR. After his rant, I pointed out who the common denominator in those relationships was—only to receive this lovely parting shot. - “Should we connect on LinkedIn?”
Nothing screams romance like a LinkedIn invitation! I was baffled when, years later, he popped up on my feed, clearly having forgotten our less-than-stellar date. My reply? A firm “NOPE.” - “How do you feel about pain?”
This intriguing question was asked in my car, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was his way of inviting me upstairs. At the time, it felt like he was trying way too hard. I declined to see him again—he had forgotten his wallet twice, which was painful enough. - “How do you feel about men with a lot of hair? Everywhere?”
If you have a clever response to this, I’d love to hear it! Honestly, I was left speechless. And no, he didn’t clarify whether he meant a non-waxing lady as well. - “Are you going to write about me on your blog?”
Well, the answer is a resounding “no,” but I will share your story as a cautionary tale with countless other women. The dating world is absurd, but there are truly wonderful people out there worth finding. - “When can I meet your son?”
The answer? Never. As a single parent, I kept my dating life separate. My child didn’t need to meet every man I shared avocado toast with. If you need an explanation for that, you’re not getting a second date. - “You wear a lot of makeup.”
And you’re rocking a velvet blazer, my friend. If we’re pointing out the obvious, then okay! But let’s save deeper topics for later dates when I’m comfortable enough to show my true self. - “I’ve never met a woman who wasn’t looking to get married. Why are you dating then?”
Oh, sweet summer child! Women today can pursue careers, have amazing experiences, and enjoy life without rushing into marriage. This isn’t the 1950s! - “Let’s connect on Facebook!”
Hold your horses! How about we first see if you’re a good kisser, or if your “newly divorced” status means you’re still hung up on your ex? I had a ten-date rule for accepting Facebook friend requests to protect my privacy.
In summary, dating can be filled with absurdities. While some men leave you shaking your head, the journey also leads to meeting extraordinary individuals. If you find yourself in a similar dating predicament, remember that there are plenty of great people out there worth pursuing, even amidst the madness.
For more insights on home insemination, check out this resource that offers valuable tips. If you’re interested in at-home options, consider this kit for your journey. For a deeper understanding of pregnancy options, the Mayo Clinic’s resource is an excellent place to start.
Keyphrase: dating disasters on first dates
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]