Today, I’m feeling heavy.
Today, toxic thoughts cloud my mind.
Today, my weight looms large, an unwelcome companion I can’t shake off. It feels like a weight pressing down on me, threatening to crush my spirit.
Today, I can feel the uncomfortable friction between my thighs as I walk.
None of my clothes fit comfortably; they cling to me in all the wrong places—everywhere feels wrong.
Today, I look in the mirror and see a reflection that mocks me, the voice of self-doubt whispering that I’m not enough.
Food feels like the enemy. Every bite seems to expand my waistline, and every indulgence poisons my thoughts.
I detest counting calories, pinching the skin beneath my rib cage, and scrutinizing every inch of myself. Getting dressed, and especially undressed, fills me with disgust. I feel inadequate.
Today, I want to retreat and hide.
In the past, I would have succumbed to those feelings. I would have let my emotions dictate my actions—skipping meals, over-exercising, and avoiding facing myself. I would have spiraled into a dark abyss of negative thoughts, disappearing from my own life.
But this is not the past. This is now. And now, I have you—my lively, adorable, beautiful little boys. You remind me that every moment is precious. Your laughter pulls me away from the shadows of self-doubt and into the light.
So, today, I won’t hide.
I’ll slip into a comfy pair of sweats, embracing the elastic waistband against the scar that tells the story of your births. I’ll thank the universe for that scar and for the two little angels who made me a mother.
I won’t deprive myself. Instead, I’ll invite you to help me bake cookies, giggling as we steal bites of dough and lick the beaters together. I’ll wipe flour off your cheeks and nibble on your fingers as you share chocolate chips with me. I refuse to let these sweet moments be overshadowed by guilt.
I’ll look in the mirror and smile at the woman you call “Mommy.” I’ll allow her pride to shine through, illuminating the hollow reflection that once taunted me.
I’ll bounce you on my thighs, give you piggyback rides, and toss you in the air as we dance to our favorite song. I’ll spin you around, reveling in your contagious laughter and the way your hair brushes against my face. I’m grateful for a body that allows me to play with you.
My weight? It’s just a number, insignificant in the grand scheme of life.
But you? You are my world. I carry you in my heart, a weight I cherish and embrace.
Today, I may feel heavy at times. Healing takes time, and I still have my moments of vulnerability.
But I will also feel joy, gratitude, and a sense of enoughness.
Because I have you. Thank you for illuminating my path.
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Summary
This heartfelt piece reflects on the author’s struggle with weight and self-image, revealing how motherhood transformed her perspective. With the joyful presence of her children, she learns to embrace her body and find gratitude in every moment, choosing to focus on love and connection over self-doubt.
Keyphrase
Self-acceptance in motherhood
Tags
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