Menu
Parenting
By Lila Morgan
Updated: July 31, 2016
Originally Published: May 9, 2015
When Lila Morgan first stepped into motherhood, she devoured every piece of parenting advice she could find, even acting as a parenting consultant for various media outlets. By the time her third child arrived, she had an epiphany: rather than striving to be the “perfect” parent, she would embrace the wisdom of her resilient mother, who often reminded her, “Give them everything they want, and there’ll be nothing left of you.”
In the excerpt from her memoir, Child, Please: How Mama’s Old-School Lessons Helped Me Check Myself Before I Wrecked Myself, Morgan addresses the political correctness that often clouds discussions about race and parenting. She also tackles the stereotypes surrounding white and black parents with unfiltered honesty.
Let’s Get Real
Let’s get real. I’m not going to sugarcoat this with political correctness because what I’m about to say might ruffle some feathers—it might even sound a bit racist. But I’m owning it because stereotypes are steeped in historical bias. Just as society has perpetuated certain beliefs about black individuals, we have our own perceptions about white families.
One stereotype I had often heard but didn’t truly understand until I became a mom is this: White parents are often perceived as too lenient. It’s a bold statement, but I think many within the black community can relate. We often see white children testing the limits of their parents, especially their mothers, with only a mild reprimand like, “Now, sweetie…” It’s a sentiment so pervasive that when two black strangers witness a white toddler throwing a tantrum in public, they exchange knowing glances and silent acknowledgments, sometimes even sharing a chuckle. The same goes for white teenagers who speak disrespectfully to their parents.
Before anyone gets defensive, let me clarify that I share this perspective out of love. If you’re curious about the stereotypes that white folks have about black people, just turn on the news. But for you white parents, getting insight into our thoughts isn’t always easy. If you’ve tried watching certain channels, you might have gotten the wrong idea—most black families don’t live like the characters you see on TV.
Different Expectations
Research shows that black and white parents often have different expectations for their children. Many black parents emphasize obedience and respect for authority, which is why you might see a black child being corrected in public immediately for misbehavior. In contrast, white parents may prioritize traits like independence and self-confidence.
In many black households, children are not encouraged to flaunt their confidence. While it’s great to be proud, under our roofs, we often believe it’s better to keep that confidence in check. The idea is that once a child starts feeling too empowered, they might push boundaries, and that’s where the trouble begins. My mother would always remind us, “Don’t start smelling yourself!”—a warning against becoming too self-important.
Societal Messages
Reflecting on societal messages, it’s clear that there’s a distinct narrative regarding the protection of white children compared to black children. Black parents love their children deeply but have historically faced the harsh reality that our kids aren’t often seen as precious. We’re more likely to teach our children resilience rather than treating them like delicate treasures.
If a child misbehaves or acts out in public, black parents often worry about the scrutiny that might follow from others, especially authority figures. We’ve learned the hard way that too much confidence can lead to negative consequences.
While my mother rarely discussed the more painful aspects of our past, I recall a conversation about Martin Luther King Jr.’s reflections on Birmingham. Even then, she dismissed my curiosity with a simple, “You know good and well I’ve never been to South Africa.”
Resources for Parents
For those looking to delve deeper into topics related to pregnancy and parenting, you can explore resources like this excellent guide on what to expect during your first IUI here. If you’re interested in at-home options for family planning, check out this link for a comprehensive kit, or consider this product that could boost your fertility journey.
Summary
In her thought-provoking memoir, Lila Morgan explores her journey through motherhood, addressing the contrasting parenting styles of black and white mothers. She candidly discusses the stereotypes, expectations, and societal pressures faced by different racial groups, shedding light on the complexities of parenting in a racially divided society.
SEO Metadata
Keyphrase: Parenting Styles of Black and White Mothers
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]