Menu: Parenting
Ask the Mom: How to Talk to My Overweight Teen?
by Sarah Matthews
Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: May 6, 2015
Dear Sarah,
My 13-year-old daughter is carrying around an extra 10 to 15 pounds. She’s aware of it and feels uncomfortable, and our doctor has mentioned it gently but didn’t provide much direction. I’m eager to help her before the weight issue escalates, but I’m concerned about adding to her stress, especially with the rise in eating disorders among teens today! Should I look into a program like Weight Watchers or focus on making changes at home? We generally eat healthy and minimize junk food, but she often overindulges with friends, especially during holidays with candy.
Thanks!
Concerned Parent
I completely understand your dilemma, Concerned! Thirteen is a sensitive age, and you want to support your daughter without increasing her discomfort about her weight. At the same time, it’s natural to want to foster healthy habits for the future.
You mentioned that your home is stocked with nutritious food, but portion control can be tricky, especially for a growing teen. It might be helpful to have a casual chat about serving sizes and calorie awareness—without making it a heavy topic. For instance, you could say something like, “Did you know this chocolate milk bottle has two servings?” This could spark a fun discussion without singling anyone out or highlighting weight concerns directly.
Instead of focusing on weight, prioritize health. Encourage her to engage in physical activities she enjoys, and be active yourself. Model healthy eating habits by sitting down for meals together, serving appropriate portions, and eating mindfully. You might frame it as adding enjoyable activities and nutritious foods into her life rather than taking things away.
As a parent of a child who is also on the heavier side, I empathize with your wish to protect your daughter. Since she’s already aware of her weight, I think it’s paramount not to add to her feelings of shame or criticism. My approach is to lead by example, offer nutritious meals, and only provide advice when she explicitly asks for it—though that doesn’t happen frequently! I believe that’s when teens are most receptive anyway.
Best of luck to you both, Concerned!
—Sarah