Parenting
It took me a significant amount of time before I revealed my address to my partner. When he finally stepped inside, his first reaction wasn’t to comment on my lack of a television, my extensive book collection, or my questionable environmental choices.
“Wow,” he remarked, “you have a lot of weapons.”
My home is filled with tools of self-defense. While one could argue that anything can be a weapon in the right hands, I prefer to be quite literal. There’s a baseball bat near the staircase, a Taser tucked away in my bag, and a knife hidden in the shower. Violence isn’t the solution—unless you’re confronted with a man who has made threats against your life.
It’s been a year since I faced off against my abusive ex in court. On August 20, 2022, the judge deemed him “calculating and deceitful,” justifying my decision to seek justice after he stalked me and shared intimate images with coworkers.
A year before that, on the same date, I was granted a restraining order. The universe has a strange way of aligning events, doesn’t it?
Don’t Make Me Your Karma
I won’t pretend that witnessing someone receive their due can be deeply satisfying. But that was never my intention—throughout our turbulent relationship, I offered him numerous chances to change. I ended things, changed my number, relocated, and pleaded for him to stop. Yet, he persisted. At some point, changing myself wasn’t enough to deter someone determined to harm me. Eventually, I had to take a stand.
He chose to corner me, so I decided to assert my strength, flipping my hair over my shoulder as his world fell apart. His 25-year career? Gone. His retirement? Gone. Relationships? Gone. Respect? Gone.
In the larger scheme of things, he will be a fleeting memory, while I was the iceberg to his Titanic—there weren’t enough lifeboats.
I Am OK, I Am Safe
A year has passed, and even now, I still find myself worrying that he might come for me. Every time I wash my face, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m in a movie, waiting for him to appear in the mirror. Every sound makes me think he’s breaking in. Each moment of silence feels like the calm before an impending storm.
After the relationship ended, sleep evaded me. I often woke up suddenly, heart racing, convinced that this was it—that he had found me. I would crouch by my bed, gasping, repeating to myself, “You are OK, you are safe, he is not here, you won. You are safe.”
How I Sleep at Night
It would be ideal if I never had to feel fear again, and maybe one day I won’t. A mere piece of paper can’t ensure safety, but reclaiming my life, escaping a dangerous situation, and refusing to let anyone mistreat me has certainly made things better. The scars left by an abusive relationship will always be there, but I embrace them as symbols of my survival.
I felt completely defeated after that relationship. I blamed myself for every decision I made, from saying yes to staying too long. But I’ve come to realize that it’s okay not to feel fine immediately after such trauma. You can acknowledge the chaos and still choose to act as though you are the person you wish to become. And in time—you will be that person.
I Can’t Stop Laughing
To quote Maya Angelou, “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.” Had this not happened, I might never have discovered my fierce determination to seize control of my life. I learned that I could look at the challenges life throws my way and simply say, “No thanks.”
Finding humor in the darkness has been incredibly empowering. What’s funnier than a lawyer trying to convince a judge that I deserved abuse because of my red hair and an adventurous passport? Or the moment I plunged a courtroom into silence by casually mentioning my dad’s preference for gay porn?
Even after one or two years, I’m still navigating my fears and shame, but I’ve learned a few important lessons. We can stumble into difficult situations, make questionable choices, and face harm from others, but that’s not the end of our journey. We also have the power to change, to stop, to grow, and to rewrite our narratives. If you’re unhappy with your story, don’t hesitate to add a plot twist.
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Summary
This article reflects on a survivor’s journey through the aftermath of domestic violence, exploring the lingering fear, the struggle for safety, and the empowering process of reclaiming one’s life. With humor and determination, the author shares insights gained from their experiences, emphasizing the importance of resilience and personal growth.
Keyphrase: domestic violence survival
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