Dear Soon-to-Be Mom,
Before you dive headfirst into baby preparations, let’s hit pause on that Amazon baby registry for a moment. There are essential truths about new motherhood that I wish someone had shared with me during my first journey into motherhood.
You’ve meticulously planned everything for your little one: the nursery is set, the layette is ready, and you’ve researched every possible breast pump on the market. You’ve compared car seats and swings, and even packed a birth plan detailing your preferences for an epidural, rooming-in with your baby, and immediate breastfeeding. You’re on top of it all for your new arrival.
But amidst all this preparation, don’t forget to create a plan for yourself.
Once that baby arrives, you may find yourself unknowingly flirting with Self-Neglect. It’s a sneaky companion that makes you feel needed, leading you to prioritize your tiny human’s needs over your own. You may go days without a proper shower, believing that a quick wipe with a burp cloth is enough to keep you clean. Your shaving routine may dwindle to once a month, and even then, only from the knees down.
Your living space will transform into a chaotic playground of baby items. Swaddling blankets, pacifiers, and diapers will fill every corner. You might find it impossible to sit down without triggering the latest electronic toy or stuffed animal. You’ll even find yourself dozing off to the sounds of a toy singing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” in the dark.
Your home may take on a rather unique scent, and your friends may start calling you “quirky” because you suddenly break into song when they visit. You might not even realize when Self-Neglect takes the wheel, but eventually, you’ll wake up and barely recognize yourself.
It will distort your reality, feeding you guilt when you try to take time for yourself. Basic self-care, like eating or showering, will start to feel like indulgences rather than necessities.
But it doesn’t have to be this way! Flirting with neglect is one thing, but don’t let it become your new normal. You must prioritize self-care. If you let Self-Neglect take control, it’s a long climb back to feeling good about carving out time for your own needs. Even as your kids grow, you could carry a sense of guilt over enjoying a little self-indulgence.
Here’s a plan, my younger self, to foster a healthy mindset about motherhood and self-care:
- Every afternoon, take a minute to check in with yourself. Are you feeling unkempt? Hungry? Lonely? If so, kick Mr. Neglect to the curb. Can’t manage a full shower? At least wash your face, brush your teeth, or change your shirt. Your baby will be just fine while you take a moment for yourself. Grab a snack or call a friend.
- Each evening, take another minute to assess how your body feels. Is your heart racing? Muscles sore? You might need to step outside for some fresh air or even enjoy a bubble bath if time allows.
- Understand that some friendships may shift. You might feel embarrassed about your neglectful tendencies, leading you to withdraw from friends who don’t quite get it. It’s okay to set boundaries for your own well-being. Just don’t let it escalate beyond a little harmless flirting with neglect.
- Don’t worry about your mother-in-law’s opinions—let your partner handle that!
- Taking time for yourself is vital. Leave your baby with a trusted friend and enjoy some alone time at your favorite café. Savor that expensive latte, stroll through Target, and pick up essentials like a new bra or some pampering products. It’s time to reclaim your identity.
- Make time for intimacy with your partner. Set the expectation that you come first, ensuring your pleasure before anything else. You’ll appreciate it, and it’s a great way to push back against Self-Neglect.
- Lastly, indulge every now and then, but don’t overdo it. Enjoying a bag of chips after a tough day or sipping margaritas after a colicky night is okay—but balance is key. Self-care is about regular nurturing, while indulgence can lead to escapism.
Take care of yourself, because you deserve it. The future version of you will thank you for learning this lesson early on.
Love,
Your Future Self