Before and after motherhood, I identify as a woman. My journey started as a tomboy, transitioning into the awkward yet thrilling attempt to master the art of the cat eye with liquid eyeliner (spoiler: I never quite succeeded). Throughout my professional life, I learned that being a woman in the workplace often comes with unexpected challenges and, at times, disappointments, especially regarding gender equality.
Writing about raising daughters has led me to explore numerous topics, from challenging the notion of “Real Women” to addressing the minimization of violence against women and sexual abuse. I’ve shared my worries about how societal pressures surrounding body image can negatively impact their self-esteem.
One significant issue that has recently emerged is the #ImNoAngel campaign. Launched by Lane Bryant, this initiative aimed to counter the glamorous images presented by Victoria’s Secret and to redefine what it means to be sexy. While I understand the intent behind it—having walked past airbrushed mannequins in shopping malls and feeling inadequate myself—I question whether the answer lies in diminishing the concept of “sexy” altogether. Shouldn’t we instead aim to make “sexy” accessible to everyone? Perhaps we should also acknowledge that feeling sexy is merely one small facet of our lives, and our perceptions of it will inevitably evolve.
The #ImNoAngel hashtag, which resonates with those in the advertising industry (kudos for the marketing strategy), doesn’t seem to offer a constructive solution. As a mother, it feels like we are merely igniting yet another debate about who embodies womanhood better. The campaign’s binary approach, pitting women against one another, fosters a culture of competition regarding authenticity and desirability.
I fall somewhere between the extremes: not quite plus-size, but decidedly not the typical slim figure. While I enjoy the thrill of feeling attractive, I find more value in embracing my multi-faceted identity. I am intelligent, tall, bilingual, humorous, crafty, curvy yet sinewy, and both tough and gentle.
We live in a culture that often equates sex and scandal with success. The unfortunate reality is that marketing initiatives like Lane Bryant’s must adopt provocative stances to capture attention. I recognize the business motivations behind this, but I wish to champion a more inclusive representation of all women without forcing us into a combative narrative.
My aspiration is for my three daughters, each uniquely shaped and drawn to different passions, to feel acknowledged and valued for who they are. I don’t want them to feel they must compete for the title of being “more feminine” or “more appealing.” I dream of clothing options that cater to their distinct shapes—be it the broad shoulders of my middle child, the petite frame of my free-spirited eldest, or the athletic build of my youngest. I yearn for choices beyond just pink hues and, equally importantly, a recognition that our shapes and styles do not determine our worth.
None of us are angels; we are simply remarkable women.
This essay originally appeared on Medium.