Love Isn’t a Finite Resource: Why I Don’t Prioritize My Partner Over My Children

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My partner and I have shared a long journey together, and our bond serves as the cornerstone of our family’s existence. There are times when it feels as if we’re just coordinating a bustling boarding house, managing the needs of our kids who come and go, requiring food, attention, and rides. Yet, on other days, our connection withstands the whirlwind that family life often brings.

I don’t subscribe to a rigid hierarchy of who comes first in my life—everyone has their needs met, day by day. Some days, one of the kids might require more attention, other times my partner might need extra love, and there are moments when I wish to be the center of focus. Let’s not forget the dog, who also demands walks most days. My family doesn’t fit into a strict outline of needs like Maslow’s hierarchy.

This brings me to my confusion regarding the notion that some women feel compelled to prioritize their partners above their children. For example, I recently read an article by Lisa Morales on YourMoments.com titled “Why I’ll Always Put My Partner Before My Kids.” In it, she explains her belief that a strong marriage sets an example for her children, asserting that their relationship is the bedrock of their family unit. I can certainly resonate with those sentiments, but where I diverge is in the declaration that she loves her husband more than her kids.

I would never express that sentiment. I’m certainly not going to stir the pot online by telling my children that I love anyone more than I love them—because I don’t. Love isn’t a finite pie; it’s a boundless, ever-flowing ocean. I can’t quantify my affection for my partner against my feelings for others. In fact, I struggle to even choose a favorite color or flavor of ice cream!

I love my three children, my partner, my parents, my sibling, and my closest friends in unique ways. Some days, it’s more challenging to show love to one of them, and at times, someone might require a little extra. Other days, I might find myself running on empty, but I push through. That’s simply the reality of family life—a constant balancing act of individual quirks and needs.

The idea of pitting my partner against the kids isn’t a valid comparison. My partner and I still prioritize date nights and solo getaways, even without the expectation that he is my top priority.

A survey conducted by YourMoments found that 48% of respondents believe wives should place their husbands first. It’s a notion that feels somewhat outdated and even a bit unsettling. Did the survey inquire whether husbands should prioritize their wives? Probably not. Such a question would seem odd, as our culture often expects men to focus on work, family, or hobbies. It’s only women who are typically asked to rank their loved ones.

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In summary, love isn’t a competition; it’s a vast ocean where everyone has their place. Prioritizing one person over another doesn’t diminish the love I have for each individual in my life. We’re all in this together, sharing the infinite capacity for love.

Keyphrase: prioritizing family love
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