Recently, I had an enlightening discussion with a friend who revealed that her 9-year-old daughter has an Instagram account. Normally, we align on most parenting matters, so this revelation caught me off guard. When I inquired further, she explained that she has implemented strict rules and privacy controls to safeguard her daughter. They’ve talked about what constitutes appropriate content and the significance of online safety. She expressed her trust in her daughter and a desire for her to hone her judgment in the digital realm.
Well, I must respectfully disagree. I firmly believe that children under the age of 13 should steer clear of social media. There, I said it.
Gone are the days when children communicated face-to-face instead of through screens. As a parent of a tween and a teen, I fully understand the challenge of resisting the allure of platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. I’ve had countless discussions about online dangers, texting manners, and responsible decision-making in the age of YouTube (thankfully, Snapchat wasn’t around when I was in college). I have faith in my kids’ character, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to let them dive into social media just yet.
Many parents, like my friend, argue that I’m being overly cautious. They believe that social media, when monitored by parents, can serve as an educational tool—an opportunity to oversee their child’s behavior as they navigate these platforms. “Make sure to follow her on Instagram!” they insist, or “I make sure he sees my posts so he knows I’m watching.” They remind me that my kids are missing out on essential social interactions and encourage me to loosen my restrictions.
But I have to say, absolutely not.
While I could theoretically secure my children’s accounts and maintain their privacy, I know what I share online, and I don’t want them exposed to my adult content. I also have no desire for your 10-year-old to see my posts. My child doesn’t need to view questionable selfies from her friend’s parent’s vacation or the memes that poke fun at inappropriate subjects. She’s simply too young for Facebook, and since I can’t filter what she might encounter on Instagram, I’ll continue to decline any friend requests from her.
I’m an adult who enjoys some irreverent humor and candid conversations. I vent about my kids on Facebook and share photos with cheeky captions. I post memes that poke fun at parenting, and I certainly wouldn’t want to spoil the magic of Santa Claus for some unsuspecting child by sharing my thoughts publicly.
I don’t want to filter my online presence just so your child can browse through my photos. I also don’t want to accept your kid’s friend request to help you monitor their activity. Quite frankly, it would be awkward to spot your child’s questionable behavior online and have to report it.
Can we all agree that I don’t need to be part of your social media circle with your kids?
I realize I might come off as harsh, and I’m sure my friends are rolling their eyes at my stance. But I’m not willing to modify my online behavior for the sake of your child’s innocence. I enjoy using colorful language and sharing my unfiltered thoughts online, and I won’t change that just because your kid might pick up some bad words at the dinner table. I need a space to express my frustrations about parenting, and I hope you’ll understand when I repeatedly hit “decline” on your child’s friend requests.
I often share images of my cocktails and may even look a bit tipsy in some of them. Do you really want to have to explain why I’m posing with a pink boa while belting out ’80s hits? On second thought, let’s skip that discussion. And please don’t lecture me on poor choices or inappropriate sharing, because my adult friends get it—well, except for that one friend who takes the countertop dancing a bit too far.
Ultimately, I have a vibrant circle of adult friends with whom I can truly be myself. I love sharing the ups and downs of parenting online with them. I’ve even built a business around sharing my parenting experiences, although I always remind parents that my posts aren’t suitable for their children. If they don’t take their kids off my account, I have no qualms about removing them myself. Sorry, but this isn’t a family-friendly zone.
I don’t need to interact with school-aged kids beyond what I already do in real life, let alone online. I may not get to use the bathroom alone, but I can certainly vent about it in my Twitter space without worrying about your kids watching me.
In summary, I believe strongly that children under 13 should refrain from social media. While many parents feel comfortable allowing their kids to use these platforms, I prefer to keep my online life separate from theirs. It’s essential for me to maintain my freedom of expression without having to navigate the complexities of young eyes observing adult interactions.
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