Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my 9th-grade son’s approach to homework. You know the type: bright, analytical, sometimes motivated, but often unfocused. His grades are decent—he’s even snagged a few A’s—but his organizational skills leave much to be desired. Yet, I realize this is a common issue among teens.
I recently stumbled upon an article in The Atlantic that argues for parents to take a more active role in their teens’ homework to instill essential organizational skills. Ironically, this advice comes at a time when educators suggest that parents step back. The author points out that many schools aren’t equipping kids with these crucial executive functions, which are vital for success in high school, college, and beyond.
This perspective resonated with me. Like the author, I’m concerned that my son, like many boys, may not be picking up these skills because no one appears to be teaching them. One of his teachers once remarked to me, “He’s incredibly intelligent but struggles with basic student skills.” I haven’t checked in with that teacher to see if he’s providing any guidance, which leaves me in the dark.
I do agree that many kids lack the skills they need to succeed, and it’s a developmental process. I often ask my son about his homework and how much he has, while occasionally ensuring that he’s not solely focused on social media. My son would probably label my inquiries as nagging.
However, I diverge from the article’s viewpoint when it comes to responsibility. I believe that kids learn best from sources outside their parents. I think it’s important for parents to take a step back, while still being aware of their child’s situation, especially if poor grades hint at larger issues like mental health struggles. Generally, though, I think it’s essential for kids to navigate their homework responsibilities. If that results in a lower grade, so be it. They need the freedom to discover what works and what doesn’t while the stakes are still low.
For context, our family maintains high expectations for academic performance. My son is aware of the importance of grades, especially since both my partner and I have advanced degrees, and our daughter, a senior, has been laser-focused on her college ambitions for years. Her organizational prowess is impressive, and she employs a whiteboard to track her assignments.
In contrast, I don’t enforce the same strict measures with my son. I don’t restrict privileges if homework remains incomplete, nor do I obsess over his online grades. His father and I offer to help him study for tests, but if he declines, that’s his choice—I’ve stepped back from being the homework enforcer. When he asked for a planner at the beginning of the semester, stating, “It might help if I wrote my assignments down,” I promptly bought one, but I haven’t checked to see if he’s actually using it.
Here’s my stance: We need to stop stressing over mediocre grades stemming from poor executive function. Research indicates that the adolescent brain doesn’t fully mature until the late 20s or early 30s. Teen brains, especially those of 9th-grade boys, tend to be scattered, which often raises parents’ anxiety as grades begin to matter more. However, it’s crucial to place the responsibility for homework squarely on kids’ shoulders. If they seek our guidance, that’s great, but if they don’t, that’s fine too. They’re at an age where they should be accountable for their choices.
Stepping back, however, requires a long-term perspective. I don’t subscribe to the notion that poor high school grades will have dire long-term consequences. Sure, low grades might hinder entrance into elite colleges, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Will I stop worrying about whether my son is completing his homework? Probably not. Knowing myself, I’ll drop hints about study strategies just in case he’s interested. But I want him to understand the significance of homework for his future—not just as a means to earn privileges like gaming time. Unless he requests my help, I won’t be pulling out the whiteboard anytime soon.
In summary, while it’s essential for parents to support their children, it’s equally crucial to allow them the space to manage their own academic responsibilities. This balance will help foster independence and personal accountability.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Homework Responsibility
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