What I hear:
…before coffee.
What they say:
“Never go to bed angry.”
What I hear: …at yourself. It’s okay to be mad at him; he probably deserved it.
What I hear:
…as a family. We don’t want to overindulge.
What they say:
“Aim for five servings of fruits and vegetables daily.”
What I hear:
…and there’s likely a child outside that door asking for something.
What they say:
“When one door closes…”
What I hear:
…unless it’s Ryan Gosling, then definitely put on your best moves.
What they say:
“Dance like nobody’s watching.”
What I hear:
…or it just strengthens my craving for wine.
What they say:
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
What I hear:
…time to binge-watch that series.
What they say:
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”
What I hear:
…It’s acceptable for your kid to eat that off the floor if it’s been 5 seconds, regardless of how long it’s actually been there.
What they say:
“5 Second Rule.”
What I hear:
…midlife crisis.
What they say:
“Happy wife, happy life.”
What I hear:
…things like Cheetos and Nutella that are already in your pantry.
What they say:
“Choose organic options.”
What I hear:
…or just move the decimal over, and it’s only 3.0 minutes.
What they say:
“Get at least 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise a day.”
What I hear:
…messy chocolate everywhere.
What they say:
“Life is like a box of chocolates.”
What I hear:
…sweat the big stuff and the small stuff all at once—usually at 3 a.m.
What they say:
“Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
What I hear:
…and then take a nap. Bring a pillow for comfort.
What they say:
“Take the road less traveled.”
What I hear:
…per week, if I’m lucky.
What they say:
“Aim for at least 8 hours of sleep each night.”
What I hear:
…and don’t forget to add a splash of vodka.
What they say:
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
What I hear:
…only fight the ones you know you can win, and then go all out.
What they say:
“Choose your battles wisely.”
What I hear:
…and then figure out how often you need a bathroom break, reporting it as a fraction using common core math.
What they say:
“Drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water daily.”
What I hear:
…compared to 90.
What they say:
“40 is fabulous.”
What I hear:
…so definitely go big; it’s loud and chaotic at home.
What they say:
“Go big or go home.”
Originally published on April 22, 2023, this playful take on parenting advice shows the humorous disconnect between what experts recommend and what we often interpret. For those looking to navigate parenthood, consider exploring resources like this informative blog post about home insemination kits. If you’re seeking further insights on this topic, check out Cryobaby’s home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo as they provide valuable information. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine’s fertility center is an excellent resource for anyone considering pregnancy.
Keyphrase: parenting advice and humor
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