In a recent piece in the New York Times, writer Sarah Bright challenges the widely held belief that children must discover their “passion” early in life, highlighting the increasing pressure of the college admissions process. She lightly admonishes what she refers to as “pushy parents”—those who insist their kids excel in activities like playing the saxophone or soccer, regardless of their interests.
These parents, fueled by the competitive college landscape, often push their children to commit to specific activities long before they’re ready. Gone are the days when colleges preferred well-rounded students who explored a variety of interests. Nowadays, it seems they favor those who can demonstrate a singular dedication to a long-term passion by middle school.
Reflecting on my own experiences, I remember that my passions in middle school revolved around devouring books in the library and blasting T. Rex in my bedroom. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I discovered my love for writing, and my affinity for figure skating didn’t emerge until my forties.
While I agree with Bright that parents shouldn’t choose passions for their children, I’d like to introduce a caveat. Sometimes, a little nudge is necessary.
You might think your child isn’t destined for a sports scholarship, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m not enrolling my kid in Little League because I believe they’ll become the next baseball superstar; it’s simply about ensuring they get the necessary exercise. Yes, they can ride bikes or climb trees, but we all know that solo activities often don’t motivate kids to stay active.
Joining a team like soccer instills a sense of responsibility. It’s akin to signing a contract to get off the couch and engage with others. After all, tweens aren’t meant to be solitary. Whether it’s scouting, marching band, or volunteering, participation in group activities teaches valuable social skills that will serve them in both their personal and professional lives.
And let’s talk about music. Even if you never perform at a prestigious venue, having the ability to play an instrument or sing opens up avenues for self-expression and cultural connection. Plus, there’s the undeniable truth: guitar players often have a certain appeal.
We’ve all seen the overachieving student who falters because they rely too much on their innate talent rather than hard work. I don’t expect perfect grades, but encouraging kids to push through challenges helps them realize that effort is a choice—one that leads to personal fulfillment.
Now, if your child is engaged in a truly harmful activity or faces an abusive environment, quitting is absolutely the right move. But in most cases, it’s essential to give new pursuits a fair shot. Before declaring, “I’m not good at this, I’m done,” encourage them to work with a teacher or coach to set achievable goals.
For example, I told my daughter she could stop playing the violin once she learned a particular song that was frustrating her. After some struggle, she mastered the piece and felt a sense of achievement—only to ultimately switch to the clarinet, which she enjoys much more.
So, don’t let anyone tell you that all parents who encourage their kids are merely living vicariously through them. Some of us are simply guiding them toward valuable experiences.
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In conclusion, while it’s important for parents to avoid being overly pushy, a little encouragement can go a long way in helping children discover their strengths and passions.
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