Once your child enters elementary school, they are quickly introduced to the infamous ‘Box Top.’ I’m quite sure that on their first day, the teacher introduces herself, assigns each child a desk, and then immediately emphasizes the significance of THE BOX TOP!
“MOM! It helps our school!”
“Box Tops are funding our new gym!”
“Box Tops will take us to Sea World!!”
“Box Tops SAVE THE WORLD!!”
These are just a few (possibly exaggerated) statements my kid has exclaimed while we shop for groceries.
Now, before you judge me as a terrible mother who doesn’t want to support her child’s education (I admit I can be a bit difficult, but I do care about my child’s school), let me explain… My daughter suffers from a mysterious skin condition. No one seems to understand what triggers her itchy rashes, and I’ve spent a fortune on every conceivable treatment.
Essential oils? Check. Steroid creams? Check. Blood tests? Check. Food allergies? CHECK.
Have you ever noticed that Box Tops are rarely found on organic products? I’ve searched every aisle and counted only four organic items that carry them. The only thing that has truly helped my little scratchy girl is sticking to an organic diet. It’s annoying, costly, and downright frustrating. But since I like her and genuinely want her to be comfortable, organic it is for us.
Organic = No Box Tops
No Box Tops = EVIL MOTHER WHO DOESN’T WANT HER CHILD TO GO TO SEA WORLD!
I swear, it feels like General Mills and Sea World are teaming up against me. They must have sensed my thoughts while I watched Blackfish and vowed never to return to buy churros or see Shamu perform, and now they’re out to get me with their dreadful Box Tops.
To avoid being entirely that parent, I’ve taken to shopping at Costco for items that have Box Tops but won’t irritate my child’s skin—like Ziploc bags. Each trip, we stock up on enough Ziploc bags to assemble around 6,000 sandwiches, and as soon as we’re home, we tear open each box. My daughter then has her 12 Box Tops to take to school the next day, and all is well. If there’s ever a shortage of Ziploc bags, call me; I’m prepared to supply the entire country for years.
Recently, I noticed I simply don’t have the space for more crushed Ziploc bag boxes, so I’ve taken my search for Box Tops to a whole new level. I’ve even started browsing eBay! Brilliant, right? Right now, I’m in a bidding war with another mom over 500 Box Tops. I’m currently leading at $42.00.
After placing my highest bid for these cardboard cut-outs that seem to be worth their weight in gold, I discovered the actual value of a Box Top.
TEN CENTS.
TEN. FREAKING. CENTS.
Had I realized that every product I buy for the sake of a Box Top only nets a TEN CENT donation, I’d just hand my kid a dime every time we passed a cereal box with a Box Top on it. Honestly, wouldn’t it be simpler to just give your kid eight dimes each grocery trip?
No need to respond; I know it would be.
Since I lost the bidding war with BoxTopMom4310 on eBay, I’m going to retrieve the crumpled ‘in case of emergency’ twenty-dollar bill from my wallet, head straight to the bank, and ask for two hundred dimes. That should keep me afloat for the next year, after all, that’s two hundred Box Tops.
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In summary, while I may not be the most enthusiastic participant in the Box Top game, I do my best to support my kid’s school, even if it means taking some unconventional routes.
Keyphrase: dislike Box Tops
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