Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who expressed her discomfort regarding unsolicited comments from men on the street about her four-year-old daughter’s appearance. Initially, I thought, “Oh, compliments for little girls are harmless.” However, after she mimicked the men—squinting eyes, a crooning tone, and an exaggerated “so pretty” paired with teeth-sucking—I realized she was right. Every woman knows the difference between a friendly remark and a catcall, and this was definitely the latter. For a four-year-old.
Curious, I decided to gather insights from other parents in our Brooklyn community. I posted a question on our neighborhood listserv, asking fellow parents about the comments their children receive while out and about. I received 11 responses from mothers concerning around 15 kids aged between 18 months and six years. Among these kids, there were nine boys and six girls.
Among the six girls, three had encountered comments that I would classify as negative—either creepy, sexual, or outright cruel. One instance was the previously mentioned creepy comment. Another mother recounted a neighborhood man who consistently tells her daughters, one 18 months old and the other 4, that they look like Mae West. A third mother shared that her five-year-old daughter, who is a “bit overweight,” often hears remarks on her weight, such as, “You should take her outside every day.” Thanks, but we are outside right now.
Although boys received comments too, the tone from their mothers was generally more positive—think “so handsome!” or “so cute!” The worst experience noted was a red-headed boy who became annoyed enough with comments about his hair that he started wearing a hat.
To summarize, my informal survey suggests that 50 percent of girls aged 18 months to six years have already faced some form of body-shaming or inappropriate remarks on the street. This is concerning.
According to Stop Street Harassment, 65 percent of women have experienced street harassment, with 10 percent reporting it began at age 12. Holly Kearl, the Executive Director, mentioned that many women recall such experiences starting around puberty, or even as early as eight or nine years old. This early onset may be linked to the age children are typically allowed to wander solo, making them easy targets for those with ill intentions. So, what do we do about free-range parenting? Do we allow our kids to walk to school alone and risk them encountering a lewd comment, or do we accompany them to shield them from such behavior? Boys, particularly those who may be overweight or non-gender-conforming, are also at risk—25 percent of men report street harassment, with 14 percent experiencing it before age 12.
I spoke with Lisa Hartman, a Ph.D. candidate in Sociology, who is exploring catcalling and related micro-aggressions for her dissertation. She confirmed the alarming trend of early harassment, noting that “unwanted attention from anonymous strangers begins very early.” She added that girls in school uniforms are especially vulnerable, often followed by men in cars who whistle at them. When these girls report the harassment to school authorities, they’re often told to consider what they did to provoke it or that expressing anger isn’t ladylike.
When I mentioned the overweight child or the absence of catcalling toward boys, Lisa pointed out that experiences differ based on gender, body size, and overall presentation. She remarked that the only group that typically escapes such remarks are gender-conforming men.
I regret to admit that when my friend described the harassment her daughter faced, my first instinct was to think, “Well, she is quite beautiful” and dismiss it as an unfortunate consequence of attractiveness. However, it’s crucial to recognize that women of all appearances experience harassment. Even those bundled in winter clothing are not spared. This behavior is not a compliment; it’s a method of controlling women who dare to exist in public, alone, engaging in everyday activities like visiting the post office or picking up cat litter. Interestingly, women accompanied by men rarely face such comments. I wonder if fathers out with their daughters receive the same inappropriate remarks that mothers do.
So, what can a mother do—conditioned to appease or ignore inappropriate male behavior? Lisa suggests, “If you feel safe, you might say, ‘Please don’t comment on my child’s appearance.’” This serves not only to protect your child but also educates them that they have a right to define their interactions. This would be a new experience for me, as advocating for myself is not in my comfort zone.
Even if you can’t directly address it, the most important step is to speak with your child privately about what happened. Reassure them that such incidents occur to many girls and women, and that it’s unacceptable. This conversation is vital, as it fosters understanding that such interactions are common, and the behavior of bystanders is significant too. Stop Street Harassment emphasizes the importance of intervention for anyone witnessing harassment.
In my youth, I was never bold enough to confront my harassers; I would simply keep my head down and move forward. But being a mother has pushed me to confront uncomfortable situations for the sake of my children. So, the next time I hear someone commenting on a child’s weight, or telling an 11-year-old she has a nice figure, or even some confused elder saying a little girl resembles Mae West, you can bet I’ll step in.
This topic extends beyond mere anecdotes; it’s a call for awareness and action. For those interested in exploring home insemination options, check out the Home Insemination Kit for a comprehensive guide. And for those looking to boost fertility, Fertility Booster for Men provides valuable insights. Additionally, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists offers excellent resources for addressing infertility and pregnancy.
In summary, it’s vital to engage in open conversations about body image and street harassment, especially for our children. Awareness and proactive discussions can help mitigate these experiences, empowering our youth to navigate the world with confidence.
Keyphrase: street harassment and children
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