Last weekend, I decided to treat my kids to bagels after their swim class. As we reached the counter, my youngest spotted some cookies on display. I could already sense what was coming.
“Cookie!” he shouted, pointing with fervor. “Cookie! COOKIE!”
I took a deep breath and calmly explained that a bagel with cream cheese was more than enough for breakfast. We could save the cookies for another time. Unsurprisingly, he was not thrilled. With a determined shake of his head, he started screaming “No!” It was clear I was heading into turbulent waters.
Then, out of nowhere, a hand from behind the counter appeared, presenting a large, sprinkle-covered cookie.
“Here you go, buddy. A cookie on the house!” the store owner exclaimed.
I found myself in a rather uncomfortable situation. I don’t typically reward my children for throwing tantrums. As the second child, my son has learned that when he starts to whine, I quickly check if he’s hurt and then mentally shift into my own world—perhaps recalling the latest episode of my favorite series. When I say “no” to a cookie, I mean it.
Yet, I also don’t want to contradict the well-meaning person trying to be generous to my child, regardless of how misguided that kindness may be. The moment he handed my son the cookie, the situation escalated from mildly annoying to DEFCON 1. If I had taken that cookie away, my son would have launched into a fit that would have rivaled the loudest toddler tantrum ever recorded. And all this while a line of hungry customers looked on.
While those aren’t valid reasons to neglect my parental duties, I was drained from a morning of wrestling with two kids in swimsuits, lifting my 30-pound toddler repeatedly during circle time, and chasing him around the locker room clad only in a towel. So, my son kept the cookie, and I chose silence. Sometimes, that’s just how things go.
But to all you well-intentioned strangers out there, I have a request: Trust that I have this under control. If my child is crying in the cereal aisle or rolling around on the floor at Target, know that as their mother, I have a strategy—even if that strategy is simply not collapsing into a puddle of tears myself.
I know you want to help, and I appreciate the sentiment. However, if you see me with a cranky child, please avoid doing any of the following:
- Offering him a lollipop, cookie, or any treat while saying, “Here, kiddo. Sorry your mom is such a meanie.”
- Telling my daughter that “if you behave, your mom will buy you [insert overpriced toy here].”
- Shooting me a disapproving glance as if you’re about to call social services because I won’t allow my toddler to have a shiny container of foot powder he pulled off the shelf.
No matter how helpful your intentions may be, interfering with my parenting creates more chaos for all of us. It hinders my ability to set consistent boundaries, and my children might conclude that throwing a fit will get them what they want. If you genuinely want to assist, a sympathetic smile goes a long way in helping me maintain my sanity while dealing with a 2-year-old on a sugar-fueled mission.
Or better yet, when the kids aren’t watching, hand me that cookie. Unlike my pint-sized negotiators, I’ve truly earned it.
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In summary, while kindness is appreciated, it’s essential to respect parental boundaries. A small gesture of support can make all the difference.
Keyphrase: Stop Rewarding My Child’s Bad Behavior
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