Time-Suckers
I have zero interest in watching your wedding video. Remember that time I flew halfway across the country, booked a hotel for three nights, and brought a gift? Yeah, I do. If I want to revisit that memory, I’ll ask to see it myself.
Deli Dynamics
You’ve already placed your order at the deli, so please step aside and let others do the same. Trust me, you’ll get your food just as quickly if you give some space. No need to box others out like you’re going for a rebound—just MOVE!
Personal Space Invaders
To the gas station attendant: I intentionally keep my hand just below yours when you hand me my change to avoid any accidental touching. It’s not personal; I just prefer not to have physical contact with strangers.
False Apologies
Do you know what “disingenuous” means? It’s when you keep apologizing for being glued to your phone during dinner. I get it—sometimes you have to send that urgent text—but I’d prefer it if you just acknowledged your rudeness instead of pretending to care.
Crinkling Crunchers
Hey, Lisa Lollipop, can you please ease up on the popcorn? I’m trying to enjoy a movie here! Honestly, I’m considering getting you a feed bag because half of what you scoop ends up scattered around your face. It’s incredibly distracting.
Slow Movers
To the guy ahead of me at Taco Bell: you’ve been at the order window for five minutes. Seriously? Taco Bell’s menu hasn’t changed in decades; you had plenty of time to decide before pulling up. Let’s get it together!
Playing Games
Hey, Sarah, it’s nice to hear from you after a year! But if you need a favor, could you please ask within the first five minutes? I’d much rather you be direct than pretend this is just a casual catch-up.
Inconsistent Call Responses
If you don’t pick up my call, don’t text me “what’s up” right after. Either call me back or keep up the act of not having seen my call. It’s confusing and unnecessary.
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In summary, as I grow older, my patience for trivialities and inefficiencies is waning. I find myself yearning for honesty, respect for personal space, and a little more consideration from those around me.
Keyphrase: Things I’m Too Mature to Tolerate
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]