Today, as I glanced down, I noticed that my eldest son’s shoes are now larger than mine. It struck me how small I felt in that moment, overwhelmed by the swift passage of time.
As a mother, one of my first realizations was that someday someone—whom I haven’t yet met—will care for my son deeply. I understood early on that one of my key roles was to nurture him into a man capable of both giving and receiving love. Now, I see that he’s on the brink of transitioning from boyhood to young manhood. It’s a journey that began with tiny steps, then occasional leaps, and now, here we are, at the threshold of adolescence. Soon, he’ll be navigating the rollercoaster of young love: the exhilaration of first crushes, the heart-wrenching lows, and the bittersweet lessons that come with both joy and heartbreak.
Recently, while joking about kisses, my husband and I were met with our son’s playful comment about needing “practice.” My heart skipped a beat. We’re entering uncharted territory for sure.
As he prepares for this new chapter, I have a few important lessons I want him to grasp. My hope is that I can communicate these ideas clearly and effectively over the years. Here are 11 key points about relationships and dating that I wish to share with my 10-year-old son, some now, others later:
- Be Kind Above All: Always treat others with kindness. There will be people—especially girls—who may have deeper feelings for you than you have for them. You’re not obligated to reciprocate feelings, but always approach others with compassion. Treat everyone with the gentleness you’d want for your little sister, whom you cherish.
- Set Boundaries: It’s essential to maintain your personal identity. Don’t let someone else consume your sense of self. The right person will appreciate you as an individual and want to share their life with you while respecting your individuality.
- Communicate Honestly in Breakups: If you ever need to end a relationship, be straightforward. Avoid the temptation to act poorly in hopes that she will end it first. Girls see through that. Just share your feelings honestly; it’s healthier for both of you.
- Respect All Women: Never refer to a girl or woman who has liked you negatively, even if she behaves poorly. She had enough sense to care for you. Use respectful language. Remember, nothing makes someone act out more than a lack of direct communication during a breakup.
- Choose Wisely: Everyone you date now will either become an ex or a potential life partner. Make your choices thoughtfully.
- Value Intelligence and Humor: Appreciate girls who are smart and have a good sense of humor. Physical attraction is fleeting, but a strong connection through conversation and laughter is priceless.
- Dress and Maintain Hygiene: For goodness’ sake, pull up your pants! While style icons may be cute, remember that maturity matters too. And please, brush your teeth and wear deodorant. Cleanliness is a basic expectation, and it’ll make a difference in how others perceive you.
- Consent is Key: This one is crucial: No means no—always. But it doesn’t stop there. Just as “drunk means no,” you’ll face situations where someone might not be in a good place—sober or otherwise. It’s your responsibility to say no if you sense it’s not right for either of you.
- Be Generous: Whether it’s tipping well or giving thoughtful gifts, how you treat others shows your character. You don’t need to buy extravagant gifts, but always acknowledge special occasions, no matter how small. It’s the thought that counts.
- Love Takes Effort: Remember that love is an action, not just words. Relationships require work, patience, and kindness. If you’re not prepared to put in the effort, you’re not ready for a relationship. True love is rewarding but challenging.
- Take Risks: Don’t be afraid to pursue what you want. Whether it’s asking someone out or sharing a kiss, don’t let fear of rejection hold you back. A friend once wished he had told his younger self to take chances; I wholeheartedly agree. It’s better to face rejection than to live with regret.
Good luck, my dear boy. Always choose kindness, or else.
This article originally appeared on my blog, where I share insights on parenting and more. For those interested in starting a family journey, consider exploring this post on home insemination kits. For expert advice on navigating relationships, check out this resource on pregnancy. And if you’re looking for support on your fertility journey, this guide on couples’ fertility might be helpful.
In summary, I hope these lessons will guide my son as he embarks on his journey through relationships and dating, helping him to grow into a thoughtful and caring person.
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