Babies are endlessly intriguing, primarily because they can’t vocalize their thoughts. I can only imagine the feedback my little one will have about life in our home once she starts talking. From the times I skip warming her bottle, giving her a jarring experience with cold milk, to the myriad of things I do that probably seem downright creepy to her, the list goes on. Here are ten ways I’m certain I’m a daily source of discomfort for her:
- I watch her sleep—constantly. Sure, video monitors are popular, but how unsettling must it be to know someone is peering at you while you sleep?
- I have an overwhelming urge to nibble on her cheeks and toes. I often refer to them as “edible,” which sounds odd, but there’s actually some science behind this maternal instinct.
- I’m unreasonably fascinated by her poop. Whether it’s the color or the frequency, I find myself keeping tabs on her little digestive outputs.
- I’m an obsessive photographer. I have a mountain of photos and videos of her, and it’s only been six months! My collection resembles a crime drama’s wall of evidence, only it’s filled with love. Let’s not even discuss the silly sounds I make to elicit smiles for the camera.
- I sometimes skip my showers. I can feel her judging me; after all, I would be horrified if my caregiver neglected personal hygiene.
- I taste-test baby food before serving it. I can’t be the only parent who wants to know if the organic stuff is actually palatable, right?
- I refer to myself in the third person. It’s a bizarre habit, but I can’t help it.
- Her car seat is rear-facing, so I installed a mirror to glance at her while driving. It’s both practical and slightly creepy to be checking on her constantly.
- I choose her outfits based on my mood. A dreary Monday might inspire a gray ensemble, while a vibrant Friday means bright colors to match my spirits.
- I make up silly dialogues for her. If the roles were reversed, I would find this infuriating. “Mommy’s feeling a bit cranky today because she’s so sleepy. And guess what? She really thinks she needs to poop!”
This article originally appeared on March 9, 2015.
In summary, parenting sometimes comes with behaviors that can easily be perceived as creepy from a baby’s perspective. From obsessive monitoring of their sleep patterns to whimsical self-talk that might drive them crazy, it’s a wild ride for both parent and child. If you’re curious about starting your own parenting journey or looking for helpful resources on home insemination, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and consider exploring the home insemination kit options available.
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