I found myself contemplating a kegger. Strolling through campus around 4 p.m. on a balmy Saturday in late October, I noticed fraternity brothers celebrating the end of Spring Fling with kegs lined up outside their houses. There’s something about keg beer that’s appealing; it always seems to carry a unique taste, as if it had been sloshed around before being poured.
Groups of guys were scattered about—athletes, nerds, and party enthusiasts. I spotted a mix of attractive fellows in button-down shirts and others in casual tees with flannel shirts, which happens to be my type. So yes, the idea of stopping for a cold drink and whatever else might happen was definitely tempting.
However, there was a slight complication: I could very well be old enough to be a mother to some of these guys. Technically, I’m not, but given that I was a late bloomer, it’s conceivable. When I shared this with a friend, she paused at the thought of what I’ll call the “mother-son differential.” We pondered why men don’t seem deterred by the same biological implications. Perhaps it’s because men aren’t directly reminded of their daughters when they see younger women in bars, whereas we women might think twice about those boys we’re eyeing, knowing they could have emerged from the very same place we’re considering letting them return to.
Oddly enough, this realization didn’t stop me. At that moment, I didn’t feel like anyone’s mom; instead, I just wanted to share a beer with a handsome young man. (For the record, I am a mother of two, but let’s pretend for a moment that I’m not or that they’ve been sent off to live on a farm somewhere.) The real obstacle? I wasn’t entirely confident I could pull it off—I definitely don’t look 19 anymore.
I won’t disclose my exact age since I still have aspirations of returning to campus for Homecoming someday. Let’s just say I have some fine lines, dark circles that even makeup can’t hide, and the skin under my chin is showing signs of aging. On the bright side, my attire was spot on—jeans, a stylish untucked shirt, leather jacket, and a backpack. Thanks to Clairol, I’ve managed to avoid gray hair, and my family is known for looking younger than we actually are. Maybe it was a toss-up? I’d like to think so.
Just to clarify, I wasn’t on campus just to hang out. I was there for a panel discussion about nonfiction writing but had a little time to kill, so I took a walk. Sue me.
As I stood there on fraternity row, I had an epiphany. I finally understood why some men seek out much younger partners. It’s not that these younger individuals make them feel young; they already feel youthful. After all, they’ve been chasing women/men since their teenage years and those feelings are deeply ingrained. You don’t suddenly develop a mature version of those feelings when you hit 45.
When you see a young 20-something at a bar, you likely don’t think, “I’m 45, and she’s half my age; this is awkward.” Instead, it’s more like, “I want her.” You’re transported back to your high school days, filled with longing and excitement. Now, with the confidence that comes with age, it might just be possible to act on that desire. Your libido may still feel like it’s 16, but your ego is likely a suave 40-something.
In other words, you’re as old as you feel when you don’t think about it. Encountering someone who embodies youth can stir up nostalgia and hope; it reminds us of the bittersweet ache of our youthful passions, and we want to embrace that feeling once more. For instance, I find joy in cruising around my hometown with my husband, pretending he’s the high school sweetheart I never had. I also love binge-watching shows like My So-Called Life or Friday Night Lights that capture the intensity of teenage longing—maybe even more than they portray adult desire.
Let me be clear: this doesn’t mean I’m itching for an affair with the lacrosse team goalie from my alma mater. It was simply a thought that crossed my mind while considering crashing a kegger.
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Summary
Reflecting on a nostalgic kegger moment, the author contemplates the age gap between herself and young men while realizing that youthful desire knows no age. Through a humorous lens, she explores themes of attraction, nostalgia, and the complex dynamics of age in romantic pursuits.
Keyphrase: kegger thoughts
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