As a proud child of the ’80s, I have an unwavering affection for everything related to that iconic decade. My hair was defying gravity with enough hairspray to be a fire hazard, and I sported a wild assortment of socks with my classic white sneakers. I still treasure my trusty denim jacket, and I’m not shy about showing my moves to “Hangin’ Tough” by New Kids on the Block, even in the middle of a grocery store.
Nothing excites me more than sinking into the couch to revisit the ’80s films that shaped my childhood. The moment I hear the opening chords of “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds, I’m whisked back to Judd Nelson’s unforgettable role in The Breakfast Club, a film that still resonates deeply with me.
With my kids growing up, I’ve eagerly anticipated sharing these beloved classics with them, hoping they would experience the same joy I felt when John Cusack raised that boombox or when Jake Ryan offered that dreamy glance to Samantha in Sixteen Candles. I wanted to relive those moments, praying they would adore Steel Magnolias as much as I do.
When the time finally came, my husband and I enthusiastically kicked off our ’80s movie marathon with Spaceballs, thinking it would be a hit since our son was a huge Star Wars fan. We snuggled up on the couch with blankets and popcorn, only to quickly realize we had made a major miscalculation.
I completely forgot about the abundance of profanity and suggestive humor in Spaceballs. By the halfway point, my husband and I exchanged worried looks as our kids started asking questions about chastity belts. Our cherished childhood film had turned into our greatest parenting blunder; my kids found the word “asshole” particularly amusing. Great job, Rick Moranis!
It became clear that ’80s movies could use an additional warning label—one for parents, outlining exactly how much “sex education” their kids would inadvertently receive. Here are a few highlights:
Doc Hollywood
What’s not to love about a romcom featuring Michael J. Fox as a plastic surgeon lost in the South? Well, unless you want your kids to witness a lengthy scene of the female lead emerging from a lake in the nude. Thanks, MJF, for causing that awkward moment!
National Lampoon’s Vacation
We’ve all had our share of chaotic family road trips, but do you want your kids to see Chevy Chase’s wife giving him a striptease? It’s best to hold off on this one, regardless of how hilarious John Candy was as the security guard.
Stand By Me
This coming-of-age tale is a classic, but be prepared: it revolves around four boys searching for a dead body. What were our parents thinking letting us watch this?
Edward Scissorhands
If you enjoy your children waking up terrified from dreams about a man with scissors for hands, then this is your movie.
Ghostbusters
I completely forgot that Dan Aykroyd had a ghostly lap dance. It’s a bit awkward watching your teenage son giggle at supernatural shenanigans.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
This film is all about ditching school and lying to parents. The swearing? I don’t recall Ferris being quite so foul-mouthed.
The Breakfast Club
Hey, Claire, Allison, Andrew, John, and Brian? You’re all getting a detention for your colorful language and risqué conversations in front of my tweens. But really, I still love you!
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
You’d think a movie about a cute alien would be harmless, but Elliott calling his family “penis breath” at the dinner table is a pearl-clutching moment for any parent.
Our generation has undoubtedly produced some of cinema’s best (and worst) films, and it’s hard not to want to share that joy with our kids. Watching them draw the same conclusions I did or light up at a beloved scene takes me back to simpler times. Yet, it’s clear that some movies require an age restriction before they can join me on the couch to relive those cherished memories.
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In summary, while the movies of the ’80s hold a special place in our hearts, parents should be prepared for the unexpected lessons they might impart. It’s a delicate balance of nostalgia and parenting awareness!
Keyphrase: ’80s movie ratings
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