Updated: Aug. 20, 2015
Originally Published: Feb. 2, 2015
My father once shared a pivotal piece of advice with me over two decades ago while we were washing dinner dishes together. He said, “If you desire something in life, you must be proactive in securing it for yourself. Don’t rely on anyone to do it for you.” Those words provided me with my first glimpse into feminism: the importance of independence, self-determination, and believing in one’s own strength. More importantly, it instilled within me a sense of worthiness deserving of respect and opportunity.
As parents, we are always imparting lessons to our children—whether consciously or unconsciously. It’s crucial to stay aligned with our own values and ideals, so those lessons conveyed are the ones we intend to share.
Despite how our family may appear, with my partner working while I care for our young kids, I identify unequivocally as a feminist because I believe in equality. Raising two sons means it’s equally vital for them to understand feminism and gender equality, as these issues affect everyone, not just women. My partner and I are committed to challenging the stereotypes and biases that society imposes on children from a young age. It’s our responsibility to make sure that the principles of feminism and equality are woven into the fabric of our family life, surfacing naturally during everyday moments—whether it’s at playdates, sports activities, or even while we tidy up after dinner.
While many lists exist addressing feminist lessons for girls, I found a gap in resources specifically tailored for raising boys. So, in true independent fashion, I compiled my own list of guidelines for raising feminist boys:
- Feminism is about equality, not femininity.
- Boys can be feminists too, regardless of their interests in sports, action flicks, or burgers.
- Emotions are valid. It’s fine to cry, but express your feelings with respect and responsibility.
- Build friendships with girls.
- Interests know no gender—trucks, superheroes, and Star Wars are just as much for girls as tea parties and My Little Pony are for boys.
- The phrases “like a man” or “like a girl” are meaningless. Disregard them.
- Strength and sensitivity can coexist; embrace both.
- Your anatomy doesn’t grant you special privileges; it simply makes you human.
- Hold doors open for everyone, as a gesture of kindness, not tradition. Extend that courtesy to other acts of politeness too.
- True beauty transcends appearance; it radiates from within.
- Be generous with gestures, like paying for dinner or giving flowers—not to win affection, but simply to be kind.
- Engage in intimate relationships when both partners are ready—not out of peer pressure or hormonal urges, but when you feel emotionally prepared.
- Consent is clear: “No” means no, silence is a no, and “maybe” is not consent. Only a clear “yes” suffices.
- Surround yourself with individuals who encourage you to be your best self; avoid those who aim to change you negatively.
- Equal work deserves equal pay, and understanding this is essential.
- Your identity isn’t tied to your gender, job, or material possessions; kindness, bravery, friendship, and respect define you.
- If you marry, your partner may choose not to take your last name—this choice reflects their love, not its absence.
- Providing for a family extends beyond finances; it encompasses emotional and supportive roles too.
- Family care decisions should prioritize what’s best for everyone involved, considering evolving circumstances and shared responsibilities.
- Dispel the notion that men are incapable of household duties—taking care of chores is a shared responsibility.
- Apologizing is a strength, not a weakness—embrace it.
- Always acknowledge your privileges, whether financial, educational, or otherwise, and advocate for those who lack similar advantages.
- Cultivate sensitivity, empathy, and compassion in all your interactions.
- Differences among people, including between genders, should be recognized and celebrated without generalization.
- Hold onto these lessons as they are vital for fairness, equality, and respect—aim to foster change, one step at a time.
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Summary:
This article offers 25 essential guidelines for parents raising boys with a feminist mindset. It emphasizes the importance of teaching boys about equality, respect, and emotional expression while challenging stereotypes and biases that society imposes. By fostering these lessons, parents can help their sons grow into empathetic and responsible individuals.
Keyphrase: feminist boys
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