During the chaotic days of potty training our first child, we had some friends come to visit. They were first-time parents with one charming little baby, as adorable as can be. The dad, a good friend of ours, had recently caught a Dr. Phil episode on how to potty train your child in a weekend. With all the optimism in the world, he confidently declared, “Just follow X, Y, and Z, and she’ll be fully potty-trained by Monday!”
Oh, the naivety!
As if we hadn’t already attempted X, Y, and Z—along with every other letter in the alphabet. We’d spent the previous year engaged in the potty-training tango, utilizing rewards, encouragement, bribery, and every trick imaginable, short of witchcraft, to get our little one to use the toilet.
All parents can relate to the frustration of unsolicited advice from those who haven’t experienced parenthood. I’m amazed that people still do this. I sincerely hope I never offered parenting tips before I had kids. If I did, please retroactively give me a nudge.
Almost as vexing are the suggestions from those who are parents but only have one perfect little child under the age of three. I call these parents POOPCUPs: Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool-age. Bless their hearts, they’re often blissfully unaware. Our friend with his darling baby was definitely a POOPCUP. I probably was, too—perhaps even the President of POOPCUPs.
Firstborns often seem angelic, at least through the lens of doting parents. This blissful illusion can convince us to have more children. They’re cute, they inspire overwhelming love, and before they reach three, they give us the false impression that we’re amazing parents. Sure, having a baby or toddler comes with challenges—endless crying, constant supervision, and some (like mine) who sleep terribly. But amidst it all are those irresistible smiles, giggles, and sloppy kisses.
I know some of you with toddlers may want to argue, but let’s be honest: parenting kids younger than three years old is relatively straightforward. It’s the sheer physical demands that can be tough, but the act of parenting itself is simple.
When my first child was a toddler, I was convinced I was navigating the toughest phase of parenting. I thought I’d be far more skilled with an older child, believing I’d be better prepared for the emotional hurdles they would present. After all, I had experience as a teacher, so conversing with older kids would be a breeze. If only I could reach the point of getting a full night’s sleep and maybe find some time to work out or meditate without a tiny hand poking my nose. I figured I could tackle any emotional challenge that lay ahead.
Little did I know that my toddler had not yet developed the verbal skills and self-awareness needed to truly test my patience. Sure, two-year-olds can express their will, but it’s still somewhat endearing. They don’t quite know how to use that power yet, much like me trying to play a sport: I know what to do but lack the finesse, making it amusing to watch.
However, around the age of three, children become acutely aware of their own will and how to exercise it. Coupled with an expanding vocabulary, this leads to what I like to call the Tyrannical Threes. They remain adorable, but based on my experience, that’s when the real work of parenting begins. The work I thought would be simpler.
Ah, how naive I was! I had no clue that the emotional demands of parenting could be just as, if not more, draining than the physical aspect. It’s exhausting in every sense of the word.
Returning to my role as POOPCUP President: our first child was a delightful little one. She didn’t sleep well until about 18 months, but she was a joy nonetheless. Smart, curious, and mostly compliant, she had a smile that could melt even the coldest heart.
If she had remained our only child, I could have easily worn the badge of the most self-righteous mother. I had a compliant, clever child who, at three, sat through a prayer meeting singing every prayer in her little book with absolute reverence.
Oh dear, I was such a POOPCUP!
Enter our second child, a whirlwind of energy and chaos. At just two years old, she named her baby doll “Horse” without a second thought. She has a remarkable talent for galloping on all fours, often leaving onlookers in disbelief. Since toddlerhood, her fascination with wildlife has led her to lament, with tears, about being born a human instead of an animal.
Needless to say, she didn’t sit quietly through prayer meetings at age three. Once you have more than one child, it becomes clear that much of their personality is innate and not just a result of your parenting prowess.
I understand the perspective of POOPCUPs because I was once in their shoes. I remember feeling frustrated when parents of multiple children acted as if I lacked the wisdom to contribute to the parenting conversation just because I had one child. I acknowledge that having one child can be incredibly challenging. However, those challenges pale in comparison to managing multiple children—this isn’t a judgement, just a fact.
So, for those still in the POOPCUP phase, be patient. Their time will come. Let them revel in the joy of their perfect child—while they can.
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Summary:
Parenting is a journey filled with unexpected challenges and lessons. The experience of being a POOPCUP—Parent Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool-age—offers a unique perspective that often leads to misguided advice. As parents navigate the joys and trials of raising their little ones, it’s essential to recognize that every child’s personality is shaped by both nature and nurture. With time, even the most seasoned POOPCUP will come to appreciate the complexities of parenting beyond the toddler years.
Keyphrase: Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool Age
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