It started with a simple remark from my son: “If the lyrics were about boys, everyone would call it sexist.” My response? “You’re absolutely right.” This sparked a deeper conversation. He struggles to comprehend why songs celebrating female empowerment are acceptable. In truth, I believe he’s grappling with the concept of girl power itself, and he’s genuinely offended by it.
This is a kid who has attended numerous protests at the state capitol with me. We often engage in discussions about women’s rights, and he’s even landed in detention for voicing his opinions on important issues in class settings where it wasn’t the right time. He has stayed up late with me watching powerful speeches by politicians like Wendy Davis and Leticia van de Putte dismantle hypocritical arguments. Yet, he finds girl power somewhat ridiculous and feels it’s unjust. He fails to grasp the significance of Title IX and why it matters. Admittedly, he’s only 12, but I can’t shake the feeling that I might be losing my Progressive Parent Card.
I’ve tried to explain concepts like glass ceilings, battling systemic inequality, and various feminist perspectives, but he just isn’t buying it. He sees his friends heading off to all-girls schools and feels excluded from girls-only book clubs. He once had a major misunderstanding about lacrosse and why only girls had a team, which turned out to be incorrect, but he was furious about it for weeks. He’s developing a perception that girls are receiving preferential treatment while boys are left to fend for themselves. I’ve attempted to clarify that everyone faces challenges and that, despite progress, the world still largely favors men. It’s perfectly fine for women to seek support to level the playing field.
I’ve been trying to convey that it’s not about girls getting a fairer deal (though they often don’t); it’s about girls receiving a different kind of support. Many times, this discrepancy isn’t intentional—it’s woven into the fabric of society. Offering girls a safe space isn’t unfair; it’s about empowerment, ensuring they have the resilience to navigate a world that can be harsh. It’s about creating balance in the opportunities available.
However, he doesn’t see it that way. As a white, middle-class boy, he feels overlooked and undervalued whenever his sister and I sing along to Beyoncé in the car. This leads me to question whether he’s feeling slighted because he’s been raised to believe in gender equality. Does he not understand girl power because he genuinely perceives that boys and girls have equal rights and opportunities? Am I, in my efforts to argue my point, ironically teaching him that women are somehow lesser?
I certainly don’t want him to think women are second-class citizens and that’s why artists like Beyoncé, Sara Bareilles, and Katy Perry produce their empowering anthems. And on a side note, discussing the lyrics of these songs with my 8-year-old daughter and their relation to mainstream beauty is a whole other challenge. But if my son accepts the status quo, he might not realize how deeply entrenched social norms affect women’s lives—both in obvious ways and in subtle ones we often overlook. I feel trapped; I’m at a loss on how to navigate this.
What’s a mom to do? I certainly don’t want to raise a young man who embodies anti-feminist sentiments. I don’t want to diminish the progress achieved by the feminist movement or ignore the pervasive anti-woman attitudes that still exist and seem to be worsening. Most importantly, I don’t want my son to grow up resenting women because he believes they have unfair advantages. I want him to recognize that he belongs to a generation capable of fostering change, but that won’t happen if he holds onto resentment toward female empowerment initiatives like girls-only book clubs or Beyoncé’s music.
I openly acknowledge to him that life isn’t fair for anyone. But how can I help him understand that the unfairness itself is not equally distributed?
Parenting is undeniably tough. For some kids, like mine, it can feel even more complicated.
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