When I faced my first miscarriage, my phone buzzed endlessly with messages of sympathy and support. While I appreciated the outreach, I felt more isolated than ever. I craved an ear to listen, a safe space to express my anger and sadness. Instead, I often received advice and platitudes that felt unhelpful.
Through this experience, I discovered that there are definitely some things you should avoid saying to a friend in mourning after losing an unborn child. Here’s a guide on what not to say, along with more thoughtful alternatives.
DON’T SAY: “I’ve been there.”
While you may have experienced a similar loss, you aren’t living my reality. Your journey doesn’t erase mine.
SAY THIS: “I remember when I had my miscarriage…”
This approach allows you to share your own experience without overshadowing mine.
DON’T SAY: “It’ll get better.”
You can’t promise that it will. “Better” is subjective, and it may not align with my experience.
SAY THIS: “It got easier for me.”
I genuinely want to hear how you found your way through this. Sharing your journey can offer me hope, without making any empty promises.
DON’T SAY: “You’ll have another baby.”
Oh, great! As if babies are just interchangeable. This baby mattered to me, and I’m still grappling with that loss.
SAY THIS: Nothing about future pregnancies.
Right now, I’m focused on the child that I lost. My future feels uncertain and painful.
DON’T SAY: “You weren’t that far along, so it’s not like it was even a baby yet.”
That’s not your call to make. The moment I learned I was pregnant, I became a mother.
SAY THIS: “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Simple yet powerful, this acknowledges my grief for a child I never got to hold and a future that may never be.
Everyone processes miscarriages differently. The best way to support a friend is to listen first. If you feel compelled to share, do so with empathy and sensitivity.
If you’re interested in exploring home insemination options, check out the At-Home Insemination Kit, which provides helpful resources for starting a family. For those looking for expert advice on insemination, the BabyMaker At-Home Insemination Kit is a great option. Additionally, the NHS resource on intrauterine insemination offers excellent information regarding pregnancy and insemination techniques.
In summary, when supporting a friend through the pain of miscarriage, prioritize listening and understanding over offering unsolicited advice. Your presence and empathy can mean the world during such a difficult time.
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