Dear Hospital Team,
We’ve crafted this birth plan to help guide you through what we hope will be a smooth and memorable experience in the delivery room. Here are our wishes and a few requests:
- Should either my partner or I start to tear up or panic at the reality of becoming parents—especially given our track record of forgetting simple tasks (like taking out the trash), please allow us a moment to regain our composure without drawing attention to our mini-meltdowns.
- If my partner tries to sneak in a chocolate bar during labor, please kindly take it away and offer him some ice chips instead. He might think he needs a snack while I’m focused on pushing out our little one, but let’s keep it healthy.
- Should my partner attempt to offer me a soda, just remember: I’m all about that ice chip life, and carbonated drinks are a no-go during labor.
- When the time comes for pain management and I say, “No, I can handle this,” just know that’s code for “Bring on the epidural!” I’ll change my mind faster than you can say “contraction.”
- If we walk into our birthing suite and the TV isn’t operational, please prepare for chaos. We’ll need some form of distraction to keep us sane.
- If you encounter a nurse who prefers tough love and lacks the warm and fuzzy approach, kindly redirect us to someone who’s more nurturing. We appreciate a gentle touch and a smile in this high-stress situation.
- If anyone offers me a mirror while the baby is crowning, I might just respond with enthusiasm—then proceed to create a scene, so let’s skip that, okay?
- I request that our baby be placed on my chest immediately after birth. This is not just for bonding, but also to send a cheeky photo to my mother-in-law who is disappointed she can’t be there during the birth.
- We prefer for our newborn to room-in with us post-delivery so we can keep an eye on him. This isn’t just for bonding; my partner recently watched a dramatic movie about switched-at-birth scenarios, and let’s just say, we’d like to avoid any surprises.
- We’re open to a lactation consultant visiting, but please inform her that we plan to introduce a pacifier early on. We’re skipping the lectures about “nipple confusion,” thank you!
Thank you for your understanding as we prepare for the arrival of our little one! For more insights on pregnancy, check out the CDC’s excellent resource here.
If you’re interested in home insemination options, visit this link for more information. And for couples navigating their fertility journey, this article is a great authority on the topic.
In summary, we hope our preferences help you support us through this exciting and slightly terrifying journey of parenthood!
Keyphrase: Birth Plan
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