As a mother of three boys, I often find myself marveling at their antics and the sheer creativity that flows from their minds. While they’re generally well-mannered and not too rowdy, they certainly keep me on my toes with their imaginative ideas. When I envisioned motherhood, I had no idea what it would be like to raise boys—I grew up without brothers and thought I would mostly dispense wisdom akin to after-school specials. It seems I have a long way to go before I reach that level of sage advice! Here’s a collection of some of the most unusual things I’ve found myself saying, often followed by the incredulous thought, “Did I really just say that?”
- It’s absolutely NOT acceptable to urinate in the bed of your toy truck. You’d think that was obvious, but my then 3-year-old had a different interpretation. At least I can commend his aim; the front-loader’s bucket isn’t particularly large!
- Remove your brother’s underwear from your head immediately. You’d expect that the idea of wearing someone else’s (ahem) “used” undies would be off-putting, right? Not to my little jokester—hygiene clearly takes a back seat to silliness.
- Keep your fingers away from your brother’s eyeball. I can’t remember which one of them attempted this stunt—it was probably that same 3-year-old.
- Please don’t eat your earwax. I’m pretty sure this was the other one. He has an aversion to tissues, and I often wonder when the phase of booger-eating will come to an end. Despite my attempts to explain how gross and unhealthy it is, it seems to be a habit born of convenience. Not a comforting thought.
- Do not throw banana peels on the floor and try to slip on them. This was witnessed by my husband, and it appeared to be an experiment inspired by Mythbusters. Speaking of which, my 7-year-old is convinced that wearing jeans will lead to spontaneous combustion due to an episode he saw. No amount of reasoning can sway him from this belief, so thank you, Discovery Channel, for making sweatpants fashionable!
- Never leave your toothbrush on the floor next to the toilet. That firehose can be dangerous, and apparently, I have a lot to say about pee and boys. Well, maybe not quite as much as I needed to say for the next point.
- Do NOT put boogers in your ear. Seriously. Did I just have to say that?
- A pretend helmet won’t actually protect your head. I appreciate the creativity of a 4-year-old, even if it sometimes makes my heart race! This particular child insists on wearing his fireman costume to the beach during sweltering weather.
- Don’t leave cups of pee in the bathtub. Apparently, my boys thought it was a brilliant idea to conduct a “science experiment” to see what would happen. This was during a period of extreme colic with our third child, and I was too frazzled to notice. After a thorough cleaning and removing the offending cups, we had a necessary chat.
- Avoid putting blackberries in your pockets. My eldest adores blackberries, and he recently discovered the concept of pockets in his pants. One day, he returned from school with his pockets stuffed full of leftover lunch items like cherry tomatoes and snap peas. He was so excited to show us his treasures!
I’m sure this list will continue to grow, especially with the third boy bringing his own unique flavor of mischief into the mix. After all, these are the memories that make motherhood so unforgettable.
For more insights into family planning, check out this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination, and if you’re considering home insemination, don’t miss our guide on the home insemination kit. For those looking into the best options for self insemination, BabyMaker offers great advice on the topic.
Summary:
This article humorously explores the unexpected phrases that come with raising boys. From silly antics to hygiene lessons, the author shares her experiences with her three sons, highlighting the challenges and joys of motherhood.
Keyphrase: 10 phrases I never thought I’d say
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]