Updated: November 19, 2016
Originally Published: December 22, 2014
I find myself in a place where my marriage feels irreparably damaged; the kind of damage that a simple date night or vacation can’t mend. At this point, even suggesting it feels like tossing a box of Band-Aids at someone with broken legs.
I refuse to merely mask the pain with some ointment and hope it doesn’t scar. We’ve been sweeping things under the rug for far too long. A “time out” is not going to work this time around.
I acknowledge my part in this. My emotional foundation has crumbled, and I haven’t felt steady for a long while now. Perhaps I’ve depended on him too heavily.
My unwelcome companion, Depression, has been visiting us frequently and seems to enjoy nestling right between us. On top of that, I often fall short as a homemaker, and when he comes home, it’s like he’s walked into a war zone. Oh, the laundry is overflowing and you’re out of clean boxers for tomorrow? My bad—I was busy chasing our son around all day, ensuring he didn’t choke or suffer any brain damage. You’re welcome.
We’re both exhausted. Tired in a way that you only read about, and stressed out by the beautiful life we’ve built together. Right now, there’s not enough time to relish it, leading us to resent one another and argue over trivial matters. Some might say children strengthen the bond between couples. Perhaps… in the delivery room or possibly in a nursing home, but outside of that? I call nonsense.
Our parenting approaches are completely misaligned. Apparently, I’m the strict one. When I say no, I mean it. He, on the other hand, says maybe, which often translates to yes. I feel like the villain in our household, taking on the role of the “bad cop” with our teenager and four-year-old, while he doesn’t grasp why that frustrates me. I spend my days with a toddler, and by the time he walks in the door, I’m practically ready to bolt. Dinner? That’s a joke.
I really don’t know why I thought this would be easier. I often feel like we’re the only ones grappling with our so-called perfect life because no one seems to talk about it. “Do you ever resent your husband?” is a question I wouldn’t dare ask, fearing the response might be, “Oh my God, how could I? Our life is flawless.” Curse you, June and Ward Cleaver, for making it seem so effortless.
Today, I miss my marriage. I long for my best friend and the unwavering “us” we once were before these beautiful blessings came along and turned everything upside down. We used to uplift each other. We were an unstoppable team. Remember?
For those who may be interested in family planning options, check out this at-home insemination kit for a thoughtful approach to starting your family. If you’re looking for specialized tools, the Cryobaby home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo can be a fantastic resource. And for additional insights on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Johns Hopkins’ Fertility Center.
In summary, my marriage feels broken, and the simple fixes just won’t do. Emotional struggles, differing parenting styles, and the chaotic nature of family life have taken a toll on what once was a strong partnership. There’s a yearning for the connection we once shared, and a realization that we need to address the deeper issues rather than just the surface problems.
Keyphrase: marriage struggles
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]