We haven’t introduced the concept of Santa Claus to my four-year-old son just yet. Sure, he’s encountered Santa and St. Nicholas in various books and notices festive decorations around our neighborhood. My partner takes him to church, where they admire the nativity scene, and they enjoy opening an Advent calendar together daily. However, the notion of Santa as a real figure who magically slides down chimneys on Christmas Eve? Not in our house. We maintain that Santa is simply a character from stories.
I believe in being honest with my kids at all times. They should know that any questions they have will be met with straightforward answers—no vague metaphors about “Santa living in our hearts.” We avoid euphemisms about death, and despite my partner’s religious beliefs, we won’t delve into concepts like heaven or the more mystical aspects of faith. There are plenty of genuine tales of kindness and generosity during the holiday season that we can share to encourage similar values in him. He will inevitably have to face the reality that his parents are not infallible and that adults aren’t always as benevolent as they should be.
In my opinion, the magic of believing in Santa isn’t worth the moment when children discover they’ve been misled. I don’t believe that “believing in Santa” equates to innocence, nor do I want to set my kids up for eventual disillusionment.
This is our family’s approach, and I recognize that other families may feel differently. Ultimately, this is a minor disagreement compared to more significant issues, such as vaccination or gun ownership. I’ve made it clear to my son that some kids genuinely believe in Santa, and he should respect that by not arguing about it. He says he understands, but who knows? He’s only four. He also claims he has superpowers in his tummy.
However, this small difference in beliefs becomes problematic when parents get upset with other children for revealing the truth about Santa. Recently, a mother wrote an essay about her third-grader who was heartbroken after a classmate told him Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny weren’t real.
In her frustration, she expressed her desire to “tie the truth-telling classmate to a medieval torture device” but opted instead to speak to the child’s mother. She suggested that, while she understood their family’s beliefs about Santa, it might be wise to keep their reality within their family, especially during the holiday season.
But here’s the thing: My family’s reality is, in fact, reality. It’s unreasonable to expect my son to uphold a fantasy for another child. The mother continued to blame the teacher for not controlling the “free-for-all dissemination of accurate information.”
You can share any fairytales with your children, but it’s absurd to expect others to maintain your personal fantasies. Since when are kids responsible for keeping your illusions alive? How long do you plan to keep this charade going? Until they’re 8? 9? 43? How long should the rest of us play along?
This is why we don’t share our bank passwords or our true feelings about relatives—because kids can’t be trusted to keep secrets. Eventually, someone will spill the beans. Wasting your energy being upset about something inevitable is pointless. If your kid is so devastated by this revelation, perhaps it’s time to reflect on your role in the situation.
Young children often blur the lines between fantasy and reality anyway. My son’s friend, Lily, convinced him that a friendly ghost visits her home at night. They have fun embellishing the story with all sorts of wild details. They both know ghosts aren’t real, but the tales are entertaining, and I hope they continue to share stories for years to come. That’s the kind of imaginative play I can support.
In summary, while our families may have differing views on Santa Claus and holiday traditions, it’s crucial to recognize that children are not responsible for maintaining the fantasies of others. Encouraging honesty and supporting imaginative play can coexist beautifully.
Keyphrase: “Santa Claus beliefs”
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