Lila Johnson’s memoir, The Long Farewell, chronicles the poignant experience of losing her mother to cancer in 2008. At just 32 years old, Lila faced the heartbreaking reality of her mother’s death at 55. While profound sadness can teach us invaluable lessons about joy, it’s clear that Lila’s journey offers a treasure trove of insights.
What’s a simple activity that consistently boosts your happiness?
Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently boosts your happiness?
Lila: Walking is my go-to. I used to be an avid runner, which always lifted my spirits (despite the reluctance to put on my running shoes). However, after tearing cartilage in my hip, I’ve had to give that up. This injury followed my mother’s passing by about nine months, and running was my coping mechanism. It’s been a challenge, but I’ve discovered that walking allows me to slow down and truly appreciate my surroundings rather than racing through life like a linebacker.
Reading is another source of joy for me. Classic novels like Anne of Green Gables and T.H. White’s The Once and Future King are my comfort reads during tough times. I often reflect on a powerful passage from The Book of Merlyn, the prequel to The Once and Future King, which has been a lifeline since my mother’s death: “The best thing for being sad…is to learn something.”
What’s a key lesson about happiness you’ve learned since you were 18?
I’ve come to understand that happiness ebbs and flows. I’ve learned to endure the tough times, knowing they will pass. However, I’ve also realized that some pain, like the loss of my mother, leaves a lasting imprint on us. That shaping can be both challenging and enriching, though it can be hard to remember.
Are there habits that hinder your happiness?
Definitely. Not getting enough sleep and neglecting exercise are common culprits. Less obvious, but equally impactful, is my tendency to be a workaholic. I often lose track of time and find myself isolated from friends. This solitude can leave me feeling down, even when I think I need some quiet time.
“I learned to relax a bit, paradoxically, because the thing I was most frightened of happened, and I survived.”
Do you have a mantra that resonates with you?
My mother used to say, “Lighten up, Lila,” when I stressed over trivial matters. It was her gentle reminder not to sweat the small stuff. Now, when I find myself fretting over things that don’t truly matter, I echo her words to myself, whether I’m worried about a social faux pas or a work decision.
What behaviors do you observe in others that either enhance or diminish their happiness?
People often get bogged down by minor worries and fail to practice gratitude. I know you emphasize gratitude on your platform, and I wholeheartedly agree. After my mother’s passing, I made it a point to identify beauty in everyday life. It sounds cliché, but seeking out beautiful moments was crucial in helping me navigate my grief.
Do you actively work on your happiness? If so, how?
Absolutely. After losing my mother, she inspired me to live more fully. I now prioritize mundane aspects of life: maintaining a regular sleep schedule, eating well, and incorporating daily exercise. I’ve learned to recognize when something feels off or when a social interaction leaves me drained.
Have you ever been surprised by how your expectations around happiness didn’t match reality?
Great question! I once moved into a larger apartment, thinking the extra space would enhance my happiness. Instead, I felt isolated and missed being in the heart of things. The real surprise came after my mother died; I initially thought nothing good could come from such a loss. However, as time passed, I found unexpected joys and gratitude in life. Losing her strangely made me more appreciative and helped me find humor in my own struggles. My grief allowed me to connect with others who had experienced similar losses, forging bonds that might not have formed otherwise.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of life after losing a loved one can be challenging, yet it can also lead to profound personal growth and a deeper appreciation for the beauty in everyday moments.
Keyphrase: Embracing life after loss
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