After suffering from severe heart issues and being advised by physicians to reduce his drinking and smoking, novelist Jack Reed faced a daunting realization. He lamented, “I feel despondent because my future, whether brief or prolonged, hinges on my ability to transform into someone I have always disliked.” Tragically, Reed didn’t heed this advice and passed away from a heart attack at the age of 45 while en route to a doctor’s appointment.
In my book Better Than Before, I delve into various strategies for habit change, and Reed’s situation highlights a crucial concept that often goes unnoticed: the Strategy of Identity. When individuals struggle to alter a habit and experience repeated failures, it frequently stems from a conflict with their self-identity. Our perception of “this is who I am” is intricately linked to our behaviors, making it challenging to change. Yet, our identity can either facilitate or obstruct habit transformation.
As someone once observed, “We often mourn the loss of even our most detrimental habits. Perhaps we feel their absence the most acutely, as they are deeply woven into our identities.” This indicates that before habits can be modified, sometimes a shift in identity must occur. For example, a person may see themselves as the life of the party—the one who agrees to every social invitation—yet also wish to cut back on alcohol consumption. Alternatively, someone might identify as a workaholic while yearning for a more balanced work-life schedule. These conflicting identities create barriers to changing habits.
Jack Reed enjoyed drinking and smoking, but he also identified with that lifestyle. To change, he would have needed to completely redefine himself, yet he detested the idea of becoming the kind of person who doesn’t indulge in those habits. This internal conflict made it exceedingly difficult for him to effect change.
In Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, a line captures this struggle: “One regrets the loss even of one’s worst habits. Perhaps one regrets them the most. They are such an essential part of one’s personality.”
I’ve observed time and again that modifying a habit often requires individuals to confront a significant transformation in their self-identity. A commenter once shared an insightful reflection: “Food used to be a major part of who I am, but I realized that my identity as a ‘baker’ was contributing to my weight issues. So, I had to let that identity go.”
Releasing an identity can be exhilarating, yet it may also be tinged with sadness or discomfort, as it is sometimes essential for making significant changes. The greater our awareness of the discord between our current identity and the habits we wish to adopt, the better equipped we are to align our actions with our true values.
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In summary, our identities can significantly influence our ability to change habits. Recognizing the interplay between who we believe we are and the behaviors we wish to adopt can pave the way for meaningful personal growth.
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