Last Christmas, my mother gifted my three-year-old an iPad, and I promptly confiscated it. I’m wary of excessive screen time—he’s already reaching for my phone whenever I turn my back, adeptly swiping to find the cartoon I save for waiting rooms. It’s still around, though. Admittedly, I sometimes sneak a peek at it after he’s supposedly asleep, only to hear him whisper, “That’s my iPad,” like he’s auditioning for a drama. It sends a jolt of anxiety through me. This is the first sign of betrayal, I think. But then I remind myself: he won’t remember this.
Now that he’s four, the age when memories start to stick, I’ve resolved to improve my behavior. It’s important for kids to see their parents as human, after all—having a perpetually patient mother would be unnaturally damaging. But “improving” means getting my life in order—emotionally, financially, and socially. I want to nurture a healthy relationship with my children when they’re adults. With insights from fellow mom friends, we’ve put together a list of common pitfalls to avoid.
1. Confront Your Hypochondria
I know a thing or two about hypochondria. Every little ache becomes a major illness in my mind. One friend, Sarah, once asked, “How many people do you know with Lou Gehrig’s disease besides Lou Gehrig?” My doctor assured me it was just low potassium. While I can chuckle about it now, it’s not so amusing for a mother-in-law who stresses her son and daughter-in-law as they juggle small children.
2. Bury the Hatchet
You’ve been wronged; we get it. Maybe your marriage ended poorly or a sibling hurt you. But your kids shouldn’t be burdened with your grudges. Let it go—for your own sake. Look into meditation or art therapy, but stop dwelling on the past.
3. Avoid New Grudges
Some folks are overly sensitive to perceived slights. Don’t be one of them. Keep your grievances to yourself. If you find yourself telling your kids about every rude encounter, consider researching forgiveness. Life is too short to hold onto imagined conflicts.
4. Keep Your Romantic Life Private
Even as adults, your children don’t need to hear about your intimate life. We all have needs, but it’s best to maintain some discretion—there are some things best left unsaid.
5. Take Control of Your Finances
I know someone whose mother, despite being a feminist, never learned to manage her finances. Now, her daughter has to oversee her money, which leads to resentment. Remember, you’re the parent—don’t make your children responsible for your financial well-being.
6. Use Those Travel Miles
Visiting your grandkids can be a logistical nightmare for young parents. Instead of demanding they come to you, use your frequent-flier miles to visit them. Traveling with small children is challenging enough without adding to their stress.
7. Practice Yoga (or Something)
When traveling, you’ll need all the strength you can muster, especially when facing challenges like a rude seatmate. Keeping fit now will help you keep up with grandkids later.
8. Choose a Stable Living Situation
Many parents relocate after retirement, but this can create issues when health complications arise. Your children will appreciate having you in a community where you have established roots and support.
9. Cultivate Friendships
The years spent raising kids are prime for building lasting friendships. It’s essential for your well-being to have a social network—don’t rely solely on your children for companionship.
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In summary, to foster a loving relationship with your children as they grow, focus on self-improvement and emotional stability. Avoid burdensome habits like hypochondria, grudges, and financial irresponsibility. Additionally, prioritize your friendships and remain engaged in your community. This way, you’ll create a nurturing environment for both you and your kids.
Keyphrase: Reasons Kids Might Dislike Parents
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