In the circus world, I encountered J, a serious actor with remarkable talent. His physique was lean and wiry, and his movements had a certain theatrical flair that felt almost French (despite his Kansas roots). J had studied under Ann Bogart, mastered the Suzuki method, and held a Master’s in acting; however, storytelling for him was primarily a physical expression rather than an emotional one. This made him an ideal fit for the circus’s dynamic performances. He took his craft—and himself—very seriously, often sharing his opinions so passionately that they would overshadow others.
In my role as an “Official Partner” (or OP, which simply meant J’s girlfriend), I was free to explore the six cities we visited (Amsterdam, Barcelona, Vienna, Brussels, Madrid, and London) during our eight-week stints, with a week off between shows to travel wherever we pleased. Below are my reflections from each location throughout my year with the circus.
Amsterdam
My adventure began in room 518 at the Renaissance Amsterdam Hotel, where I found myself jet-lagged and emotional upon arrival. J had promised to set up the Internet and get me a phone card, but he failed to deliver. I was overwhelmed and cried, worried that our relationship was doomed. The bed was a makeshift double, really two twin mattresses hidden under a dust-covered spread. Despite this, I took a nap, and when I awoke, J was at rehearsal. Feeling slightly better, I managed to navigate the Dutch transportation system to the big top—Le Grand Chapiteau.
Upon arrival, I was unprepared for J’s striking costume: black and red tights, arm-length gloves, a black cape, and a jester’s cap. He was in a frenzy, trying to fix his makeup. I met various performers, including the Adagio Trio family, whose serious demeanor was intriguing, and C, who looked like a star from a classic French film. I left feeling a mix of fascination and concern about the intense atmosphere surrounding me.
After a few nights on the uncomfortable bed, J and I, along with E and M, concocted a hilarious plan involving a mattress heist that ended in chaos and laughter. My time in Europe post-9/11 was filled with unexpected conversations about the tragedy, turning J and me into reluctant symbols of calamity. My Jewish identity also sparked interesting encounters, revealing the ignorance of some people I met.
Following a week in Menorca, we arrived in Barcelona, where I found my rhythm amidst the hustle and bustle. I discovered the joys of redecorating our hotel room and even managed to create a cozy atmosphere. I had visitors, and one wild night resulted in a comical incident involving sympathy-puking. Circus life was rife with competition and drama, which created tension, but I also found solace in the friendships I was building.
Vienna
After a blissful stay in Barcelona, we traveled to Vienna. J and I took a break in Portugal, enjoying cheap port wine and cultural experiences that enriched my life. Upon arriving in Vienna, I bought a beautiful ring—only to realize later I had overpaid by a ridiculous amount. My connection with J felt strained; he seemed to lack emotional depth, and I was uncertain about our future together.
As I spent more time backstage, I found comfort in the consistent rhythm of circus life. The backstage area was a blend of anticipation and chaos, with performers preparing for their acts while juggling their personal lives. I began to appreciate the camaraderie among the performers, particularly with C, who shared my concerns about J’s pretentiousness.
Brussels
Brussels welcomed me with open arms, bursting with culture and events. I loved the vibrant atmosphere, from music festivals to flea markets, and found a community that resonated with me. My relationship with J remained complicated, as whispers of his potential contract not being renewed added to my uncertainty. I started to embrace local phrases, even if it drew attention to my American identity.
Despite the challenges, my time with the circus unveiled a world of creativity and connection. Experiences that felt mundane transformed into adventures, and I learned the importance of adaptability.