You Need to Connect with Kids Where They Are, Not Where You Assume They Should Be

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Enter Max Reynolds, the talented author behind the acclaimed Academy of Good and Evil series, which is on track to become a blockbuster film with a major studio. Max graciously invited my son to his apartment during a busy writing day to take a quiz that would reveal my child’s true level of “darkness.” I figured it would be minimal, considering he feels bad when we accidentally squash a bug.

However, Max has a different perspective. He asserts that all children possess as much “darkness” as adults do. “I’ve never viewed kids as simply kids,” says the bestselling author and filmmaker. “I’ve always treated them as if they have the same capacity for understanding that I do. I still feel like a kid stuck in an adult’s body.”

This mindset leads Max to believe that we often overrate children’s “innocence,” which can be detrimental for both them and us. “It’s all about how you communicate with them,” he explains. “I see teachers adopting that sing-song, slow tone when addressing kids. And if you read children’s literature by educators or parents, it often mimics that same style.” He originally intended Academy of Good and Evil for adults, only realizing later that it was suitable for younger audiences. “That tone is what draws kids into the story,” he notes.

When Max visited my son’s school last spring, the kids reacted as if a rock star had arrived. They were beyond excited, a testament to his ability to connect with them on their level.

Max believes that writers should tap into the unique feelings and tensions of pre-adolescence. “Every author has a core theme they return to; mine is seventh grade, that moment when I started noticing boys and that confusing rush of emotions,” he shares. He aims to encapsulate that feeling in his writing, capturing the intensity and awkwardness of being twelve or thirteen without crossing into overt territory.

“It’s not about sex in the typical sense,” he clarifies. “It’s about the chaos of growing up, the shifts in relationships, all while grappling with a changing body.” In his narratives, distinctions like gay and straight or young and old dissolve—it’s just about what feels genuine in the moment. For instance, in the sequel, a character undergoes a gender transformation that is vividly portrayed.

Now, it’s time for my son to take the quiz to assess his moral standing. He hops into Max’s lap—who is remarkably warm and inviting—and begins answering quirky questions like, “If you find yourself in a beautiful pool but need to pee, do you: 1) Pretend to swim and pee secretly? 2) Pee freely? 3) Get out to find a restroom? 4) Ask the lifeguard if there’s a container to use?” I expected him to choose option three, but to my surprise, he gleefully picked option one. Max chuckled knowingly, and when the quiz concluded, my son scored 63 percent on the dark side and 37 percent good.

This revelation shocked me, yet my son appeared pleased with his hidden “darkness.” Max wisely states, “You have to connect with kids where they are, not where you think they ought to be.”

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In summary, understanding kids requires seeing them as they truly are, not as we wish them to be. By connecting on their level, we can foster a more authentic relationship, allowing for growth and exploration of their true selves.

Keyphrase: Understanding children
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