Lately, I’ve stumbled upon several articles touting “5 Ways to Keep Your Partner Happy,” and honestly, they mostly make me chuckle rather than inspire me. Here’s how those suggestions would likely play out in my home…
Suggestion #1: Welcome him home in an apron and high heels.
Reality Check: Kids are in bed, and I’m left to take on this challenge. I dig through the storage and find an apron that humorously states, “I’m not aging; I’m marinating.” Sexy heels? Forget it! I haven’t worn those since before my first child arrived. So here I am, hunched over in my basement, wearing an apron, when my four-year-old emerges from her room, exclaiming, “Eeeew! Mom’s booty!” Fast-forward to my husband arriving late to find his “marinating” wife snoozing on the couch with a bag of chips on her chest, sporting one black heel and one navy blue.
Suggestion #2: Show up at his office during lunch wearing just a trench coat and heels.
Reality Check: My 20-year-old babysitter and the 65-year-old neighbor give me confused looks as I leave the house dressed like a summer version of Inspector Gadget. As my kids whine about wanting to dress up too, I finally arrive at his workplace only to be stopped by security for a bag check. Cherry-red with embarrassment, I make a quick retreat to the minivan.
Suggestion #3: Send a sultry selfie. Bonus points for skin exposure.
Reality Check: I start by googling, “Are sexy texts appropriate?” while locked in the bathroom, trying to strike a seductive pose and ignore the kids banging on the door. Avoiding a nasty slip on the bathroom floor, I ultimately decide to leave my face out of it. A few hours later, my husband responds to the photo with, “Did the kids get hurt again? That looks bad.”
Suggestion #4: Sit on his lap and sweetly tell him he’s your hero.
Reality Check: As I attempt to get comfy on his lap, he keeps shifting over on the couch. I finally say, “I’m trying to sit on your lap,” and he responds, “Why? We have plenty of couch space.” Meanwhile, our two-year-old has taken this as an invitation and claims daddy’s lap as her territory. I end up leaning across two small heads, whispering, “You’re my hero,” only to hear him mumble, “Huh?” as he switches Netflix to the latest superhero cartoon.
Suggestion #5: Make a reservation at his favorite restaurant and whisper a cheeky secret halfway through.
Reality Check: I ponder over what constitutes his favorite—do we mean the $3 pizza place or the fast-food joint with a play area? Once we finally manage a kid-free night, I lean in to whisper, “I’m not wearing any underwear.” He responds, “Oh, are we running low on laundry?” A couple of glasses of wine later, we’re both ready to crash before even making it to bed, me already in my comfy PJs.
These humorous attempts highlight the reality of married life and parenting, which rarely aligns with the romanticized ideas found in those articles. For more insightful resources on family planning, check out this excellent resource on infertility, and if you’re interested in boosting fertility for men, take a look at this fertility booster guide. Plus, if you’re considering at-home options, this intracervical insemination syringe kit could be worth exploring!
Summary
Keeping your partner happy often involves a blend of humor and reality check. The suggestions for romance may sound enticing, but the real-life scenarios often lead to laughter and unexpected moments. Embrace the chaos, and find joy in the everyday realities of love and parenting.
Keyphrase: creative ways to keep your partner happy
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