Lost in Translation: My Journey Back to My First Language

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So, here I am, attending Spanish class every Wednesday evening, accompanied by a good friend for added encouragement, despite the fact that Spanish was my first language from the moment I was born. Admittedly, this isn’t a beginner’s course; it’s “Spanish Film and Conversation,” but still, I can hear fluent speakers giving me disapproving looks. It’s not merely laziness that led me to this point. Those of us raised in multicultural households understand that our language skills can weaken due to various influences, including societal trends and geographical shifts.

Cultural Context

Back in the ’70s and ’80s, speaking anything other than English was far from acceptable. This wasn’t just a matter of social awkwardness but a serious risk to your safety. My father often recounted how his immigrant father faced punishment for speaking Spanish in school. The landscape of America has shifted tremendously since then; the Latino population has skyrocketed from around 9 million in the ’70s to nearly 60 million today, with projections to more than double by 2060.

In my childhood, we represented just a tiny fraction of the population, following waves of Italian and Asian immigrants. Assimilation was the name of the game. Nowadays, while many U.S.-born Hispanics are fluent in English, it’s widely accepted that speaking Spanish is part of being an authentic American. Thank goodness for that shift!

Geographical Changes

My bilingual abilities began to wane when we left the vibrant Hispanic community of upper Manhattan. This neighborhood was filled with relatives, and Spanish was the language of everyday life. Had we remained there, it’s likely my brother and I would have maintained our Spanish skills, even if our parents weren’t using it at home. But then we moved to New Hampshire, where our four younger sisters were born. I like to joke that we were the pioneers of integration there. The most common question we received was, “So, do you speak Puerto Rican?” Really, people?

The state has evolved since then, but, as we see in today’s divisive political climate, there are still regions where speaking Spanish can lead to trouble, as my mother discovered during our first grocery trip. And to add insult to injury, I ended up in a French-Canadian Catholic school that only taught French. During my first Spanish class last week, I found my brain juggling both languages and accidentally referred to cake as “gateau,” which sounds like “gato” in Spanish. Zut alors!

In my early twenties, I regained my language skills while living and working in Santiago, Chile, and Mexico City. I returned home thrilled to converse with my mother in our shared language. However, since her passing a decade ago, I have realized that my reluctance to embrace Spanish was more about heartbreak than the influences of culture or geography.

Mothers are not just individuals; they embody cultures and histories. After losing mine, I distanced myself from Spanish because it was too closely tied to our cherished memories—dancing in the kitchen to salsa, folding laundry while listening to Julio Iglesias, or shouting to cousins from our apartment window while savoring Abuela’s tostones and shopping at “May-cees.”

Today, I have practical motivations for sharpening my Spanish skills, but I like to think my renewed dedication is also about healing. My daughter is now learning Spanish in school and surprisingly doesn’t mind when I play my “Rev Up Latin” station. Instead, we just dance together.

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In summary, my journey back to Spanish is not just about language but also about reconnection—with my heritage, my memories, and ultimately, myself.

Keyphrase: Rediscovering First Language
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