I had my heart set on a natural birthing experience. We enrolled in hypnobirthing classes, visited midwives, and I absorbed all the right documentaries. No early cord cutting! No pitocin! Absolutely no epidural or painkillers! I was determined—I could handle this.
Then came the unexpected twist: my son had a little mishap in the womb, and everything spiraled. His heart rate plummeted, leading to an emergency C-section. I know many women undergo C-sections, and some even choose them voluntarily, but I was completely unprepared for my reaction. Recovering from major surgery was a shock, and that was just the beginning. I was blindsided by my feelings—this was far from the perfect birth scenario I had envisioned.
In the days following his birth, I was inundated with congratulations. My friends without kids offered well-meaning but rather generic praises: “Congratulations!” “Good job, Mom!” “Way to go!” Meanwhile, my friends who were parents sent messages that felt like something out of a fairytale:
- “Did you ever think you could love something so much?”
- “You’ll never believe how this love will just keep growing!”
- “Welcome to the most incredible journey of your life!”
I found myself wondering, “Why didn’t I feel any of that?” Was there something wrong with me? After years of trying to conceive, was I really not cut out for motherhood? Looking into my son’s eyes, all I saw was a tiny being who didn’t seem to care for me much, and I felt an overwhelming responsibility to keep him happy. Plus, he was wreaking havoc on my body—what the hell? Tears flowed freely, and I cried almost daily. This wasn’t how I had imagined it.
As a few weeks passed, the emotional fog began to lift, and I gradually stopped crying all the time. When I spoke to other moms about my experience, many revealed they had felt the same way after giving birth. My initial reaction was one of disbelief—why hadn’t anyone warned me about this possibility? It turns out that not every new mom feels blissful right away. Some women are just overwhelmed, and that’s perfectly normal. What a revelation!
The narratives surrounding new mothers often seem to oscillate between two extremes: the euphoric maternal figure who can craft a Moby Wrap into a swan, and the mom who’s a danger to herself and her baby. But there’s a whole spectrum in between that deserves recognition! Expecting mothers should be informed about the reality of postpartum emotions. Yes, pregnant women are sensitive and hormonal, but guess what? New moms are navigating the same emotional rollercoaster, now with a tiny human relying on them for everything.
So, let’s be a bit more honest with expecting moms. They deserve to know what’s coming! “Go to the movies while you can! I haven’t set foot in a theater since my son was born. Enjoy dinners out with your partner. And sleep—aim for 18 hours a day if possible! Start moisturizing your nipples because breastfeeding can lead to chapping. Get that pedicure and manicure. Have sex, because it’ll be a while before you can again. Take a pre-pregnancy belly photo—trust me, there’s going to be some skin you won’t know what to do with after.”
Oh, and surprise! You’ll find that no one will offer you their seat on the subway anymore. You may have to endure a few hours standing—maybe even on your way to Queens!
Okay, perhaps that’s not the best advice either. But we can certainly do better at sharing the realities of motherhood. It’s exhilarating, isolating, and at times terrifying, yet also incredibly rewarding.
To any new mom reading this: be gentle with yourself. You’ve just brought a person into the world! Great job! Did you ever think you could love someone so deeply? This feeling will only grow, and you’re in for an incredible adventure ahead.
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Summary:
The experience of becoming a new mother can be surprising and emotionally complex. From the shock of an unexpected C-section to the overwhelming feelings of love and responsibility, the journey is rarely as straightforward as we imagine. It’s vital for expectant mothers to receive honest and supportive guidance, recognizing that a range of emotions is normal and that they are not alone in their struggles.
Keyphrase: postpartum emotions
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