The most straightforward explanation for why I can’t bear children is that I lack a uterus, vagina, and any of the necessary reproductive organs. I might be missing fallopian tubes too, but let’s say, in some bizarre twist of fate, I suddenly grew the right anatomy—I’m confident I could manage the actual delivery.
This may sound simplistic, but after witnessing the childbirth experience twice, I’ve come to believe that labor pales in comparison to the endurance required during pregnancy. That’s the crux of it: men simply aren’t cut out for the lengthy ordeal of carrying a baby. We can handle short bursts of pain, like a sprint where the finish line is in sight. But the drawn-out saga of morning sickness, fatigue, odd rashes, and emotional upheaval? No thanks.
Sure, some women claim they adore being pregnant, exclaiming, “It’s the most incredible feeling!” Yet, I suspect that’s a minority opinion. Many women, who experience pregnancy like a bumpy ride through the Tuscan hills in a stuffy old station wagon, are probably not feeling that blissful. From my perspective, the whole nine months can resemble a long episode of discomfort, culminating in three months of weight gain, elastic waistbands, and the occasional emotional pizza cry.
I do enjoy pizza and could likely manage the tears, but it’s those initial months of nausea that seem uniquely suited for women to endure. Pregnancy requires an innate resilience—traits like patience, hope, and determination—that are essential for human survival. Once a woman conceives, her mental space seems to shift from factual recall to emotional fortitude, often humorously dubbed “Mommy Brain.”
When my partner, Lily, was pregnant, she endured relentless nausea for five months. I was astounded. “So, you’ve been sick and utterly fatigued for 60 days straight, and even throwing up doesn’t bring relief?” “Yes,” she replied, in a tone that suggested any further questions might result in her losing her lunch on my shoes.
In my younger days, if I felt nauseous, I’d just make myself throw up—almost felt manly. Last year, I experienced the stomach flu twice, and during one of those bouts, Lily was also sick. While I lay in bed barely able to move, it was she who took care of the kids.
Puke.
Unwrap a cheese stick.
Lie back down.
Fetch my husband some water.
Roll eyes at his dramatics.
Puke.
Open a juice box… Repeat.
I’m not proud of my inability to withstand such prolonged discomfort. I have no doubt that after just two days of pregnancy, I’d be rushing to the ER convinced I was harboring a dangerous disease rather than a tiny human. I might even consider leaping off a cliff with a malfunctioning hang glider, shouting, “It’s not worth it!”
I genuinely admire the strength women exhibit throughout the pregnancy process. But ladies, don’t get too cocky. Just because I’m impressed by your ability to nurture a life inside you, doesn’t mean I can’t school you on the basketball court (game time limit = 7 minutes).
For more insights on fertility, check out our blog on fertility boosters for men. If you’re interested in home insemination, this kit is a great resource. For valuable information on pregnancy, visit Healthline.
Summary
Men lack the biological equipment to get pregnant and the emotional resilience needed to endure the process. While childbirth itself can be challenging, the true test lies in the lengthy ordeal of pregnancy, which showcases a woman’s remarkable strength and fortitude.
Keyphrase: Why men can’t give birth
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