Before becoming a parent, the term “mommy guilt” was just something I’d shrug off. But once I had my little ones, it transformed into a heavy weight, threatening to consume me if I let it.
In those early days, guilt was a rare visitor. Now, it’s a constant companion. I find myself thinking:
- I didn’t spend enough quality time engaging with the kids.
- I had to clean instead of playing, and now I’m too uptight about keeping the house tidy for their fun.
- It’s gorgeous outside, yet we missed our chance to enjoy it together.
- They’ve got bug bites from our outdoor adventures, and I worry if I did the right thing.
- Am I reading enough with my youngest, or am I favoring the oldest too much?
- I’m either too lenient or too strict with the rules.
- I let them indulge in candy, but then I hide it away for my guilty pleasure.
- Should I be planning more educational activities? Honestly, I sometimes forget to plan any at all.
- I didn’t breastfeed long enough, and I wonder if my diet during pregnancy caused my middle child’s allergies.
- I let them watch too much television, often using it as a babysitter.
- I went shopping alone, even though they cried to come along.
- I should be grateful to stay home with them, yet I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and guilty.
- I lose my temper too frequently.
It seems like anything can trigger that gnawing guilt. Many will advise to just banish mommy guilt, labeling it as unproductive. But let’s be real—completely eliminating guilt as a mother feels nearly impossible. So, I’ve chosen to embrace it instead.
Here’s my perspective: if I weren’t experiencing any mommy guilt, it would mean one of two things:
- I’ve reached the unattainable state of perfection (which I know is a fantasy!)
- I’ve become apathetic (and I hope I never reach that point!).
By embracing mommy guilt, I can accomplish two vital things:
First, I can acknowledge my imperfections. I strive for perfection, or at least to give that impression. Acknowledging my flaws allows me to focus on the real job of loving my children as an imperfect mom. This teaches them early on that nobody is perfect, including themselves. It also shows them how to own up to mistakes when our imperfections cause harm—which they inevitably will.
Second, I realize how deeply I care. If I didn’t care, guilt wouldn’t exist. My feelings of guilt underscore my desire to do what’s best for my kids, and that awareness brings me relief.
So, the next time guilt tries to sneak up on me, I’ll turn to face it. I’ll embrace it like an old friend, thanking it for reminding me of my love for my kids. I’ll commit to addressing one guilt-inducing action and then send it on its way. After all, it’s bound to return before I even turn around.
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In summary, embracing the guilt of motherhood can be a powerful tool for growth and connection. It reminds us of our love for our children and helps us navigate the challenges of parenting with grace, fostering a healthier relationship with ourselves and our kids.