When you’re expecting or have just welcomed a new baby, everyone seems eager to share their unsolicited advice. You hear clichés like “cherish every moment” or “nap when your baby naps.” Seriously? While I’m no expert, I do have one crucial piece of advice that I wish someone had shared with me when my little one arrived: Avoid being that mom who thinks she knows it all.
I see you there, Overly Prepared New Mom. You’re just like I was, scouring the internet, reading every parenting book, and drafting endless lists. You believe that with all this information, you’ll have the perfect plan for your baby. But trust me, as a mentally drained mom of five, you’re setting yourself up for unnecessary stress. Whether it’s your first child or your fifth, you don’t want to become the know-it-all parent. Here’s why:
My Journey as a New Mom
Let’s rewind to the time I had my first child. My husband and I were home, adjusting to our new life with our baby boy. He took two weeks off work to help us settle in, but I ended up being the primary caregiver. I spent countless hours with our son, convinced I knew best—after all, I had read all those parenting books!
I would change him, feed him, and try to dictate his every move. Whenever my husband held the baby, I’d swoop in with “helpful” tips on how to hold or burp him. If the baby cried, I was quick to reclaim him, thinking I had all the answers.
A Typical Saturday Morning
Fast forward to last Saturday morning at our home. I woke up early and prepared breakfast, certain only I knew what our kids would eat that day. I chose their outfits because, naturally, I was the only one who remembered we had soccer practice later. I tied shoelaces while my husband relaxed with his iPad, having been conditioned to wait for me to direct everything.
As I juggled the kids’ endless questions—“Can I do this?” “Why did he get that?”—I felt drained before the day even began. And when it came to my “downtime,” I was buried in emails from schools and sports teams, while the kids were glued to the TV. Meanwhile, my husband was downloading music on his iPod.
Dinner rolled around, and it was time to order our usual Saturday night pizza. Even after ordering the same thing for years, my husband still waited for me to tell him to call and what to order. I had inadvertently trained him to defer to me on all parenting decisions.
Breaking the Cycle
So, what’s it going to be? Do you want to be the 1-800 Call Center for your family, or would you rather be the fun parent who enjoys quality time with the kids? If you’re not careful, you might end up like me. If you do, don’t complain later—this cycle is largely your doing.
You’ve likely told your partner from day one to let you handle things, not to worry about the details, and to follow your lead. Now, he’s become accustomed to hanging back, waiting for instructions. Stop this pattern now. Stains, mismatched outfits, missed naps, and a bit of chaos? Embrace it all!
Let your partner step in and manage things his way, even if it’s messy. Each little mishap could lead to a more enjoyable parenting experience for both of you. When you come home and see a little spit-up on the carpet, resist the urge to criticize!
I’m working on changing my ways, but I’ll admit it’s too late for me. I just want to spare you from making the same mistakes. You’ll be grateful for this advice later on.
Additional Resources
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