Parenting
By Anonymous
Updated: Aug. 17, 2017
Originally Published: July 1, 2014
I frequently come across discussions—on this platform and many others—highlighting the challenges of motherhood. Articles proclaiming that it’s the toughest job out there, that it’s often thankless, and downright exhausting. And yes, it is.
However, these narratives usually come with a familiar twist: the writer insists they wouldn’t trade their experience for anything. They express a boundless love for their children, stating that despite the chaos, motherhood is the most rewarding journey they’ve ever embarked on. They wouldn’t change a single aspect, even with the struggle.
But here’s something I’ve never openly confessed: I would change it all. Deep down, I don’t enjoy being a mother. I genuinely love my children—this is why I share these feelings anonymously, so they remain unaware of my internal battles. The weight of these emotions has become too heavy to carry alone. Since I became a mother 12 years ago, I’ve grappled with the nagging sense that this role doesn’t suit me.
It’s not about the petty grievances, like having an audience while using the bathroom or the endless driving to sports events. Rather, it’s the realization that I preferred my life before parenthood. I liked who I was more back then, and I find myself frequently reminiscing about those days.
I care for my children well, and they are surrounded by a loving father, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. They’re happy and well-adjusted. The issue lies with me. I feel like I’m performing a role that doesn’t fit, as if I’m missing some vital part of what makes a mother.
I’m uncertain of what I hope to achieve by voicing this. I anticipate being labeled a bad parent or receiving advice to leave, with the notion that my kids would be better off without me. But I know I can’t truly be happy, whether I’m at home with my children or living independently. Guilt would haunt me either way, so I’ve chosen to shoulder the burden alone rather than risk dragging my family down.
At night, when my kids are peacefully sleeping, I often escape into dreams of my life before becoming a mother—those days that felt like they should last forever.
This article was originally published on July 1, 2014.
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Summary:
This piece reflects the author’s internal struggle with motherhood, expressing a heartfelt sentiment of doubt and longing for their pre-parenting life. Although they love their children, the author feels trapped in a role that doesn’t resonate with them. The article emphasizes the complexity of motherhood and the often-unspoken challenges faced by parents.
Keyphrase: Struggles with motherhood
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