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- I Apologize for My Gaze
by Lila Harper
Updated: July 27, 2016
Originally Published: June 26, 2014
I’m sorry for gazing at you in the grocery store this afternoon. I didn’t mean to make you feel uneasy while you were scanning your cereal, diapers, and orange juice at the self-checkout. You were simply stunning, with your long legs, flat stomach, and immaculate attire. I couldn’t help but wish to embody your effortless beauty and grace.
I’m sorry for watching you during soccer practice this morning. I wasn’t judging you for your tardiness or for how you were hastily managing your kids tumbling out of the minivan. I noticed your husband and wedding ring were absent. I wanted to reach out and offer my help, but I hesitated, unsure how to do so without offending you, all while my husband stood nearby. I admired your strength as you carried the weight of parenting when your partner wasn’t there, both on the field and at home.
I’m sorry for staring at you in urgent care last week. I wasn’t concerned that your child’s cough or runny nose was contagious—okay, maybe a little—but mostly, I could see you had been up all night, worrying and waiting. I wished I could tell you, “It’s alright; you’re doing your best, and that’s enough for her.”
I’m sorry for my gaze in Babies ‘R’ Us yesterday. I didn’t intend to become one of those people who inappropriately touches a stranger’s pregnant belly or shares unsolicited birthing tales. You reminded me of myself from six years ago—the joy, the discomfort, and a hint of uncertainty on your face. I wanted to share my wisdom, like how peepee teepees just slide off and leave you drenched in baby pee, but newborn mittens are a must to prevent your infant from looking like they’ve tangled with a cat. I wanted to tell you, “You got this. Trust your instincts and savor every moment. Before you know it, you’ll be a seasoned pro, watching a younger version of yourself with a sense of nostalgia.”
I’m sorry for staring at you at the park on Tuesday. I didn’t mean to appear like someone with ulterior motives. I have three kids of my own and couldn’t possibly handle another. I just missed the days when I could devote all my attention to one child (thankfully, my husband understood). I remember how overwhelming it felt, yet I embraced my new role with the seriousness of a security detail. I wanted to say, “Relax, you’re doing wonderfully,” but I know how irritating it is when well-meaning parents say that to me, even if I know they’re right.
I’m sorry for my gaze in the OB/GYN office last month. I didn’t mean to cause you pain when I instinctively cradled my pregnant belly upon seeing the tears streaming down your face onto the crumpled ultrasound photo in your hands. I just wanted to offer you comfort, to let you know, “I’ve been there. This will pass.”
I’m sorry for staring at you in the coffee shop this afternoon. I didn’t intend to make you feel uncomfortable or old while you shared a coffee with your grown daughter. I was captivated by the wisdom etched in the lines of your face, how at ease you were in your own skin. I found myself pondering your life stories, hoping your daughter recognized the incredible gift she had before her and would listen closely to your insights.
I’m sorry for gazing at you in the living room this morning. I didn’t mean to catch you in the act of cutting the cat’s fur or discovering the hidden candy stash. I was just reflecting on how sweet you are to your brother and marveling at your beautiful eyes. You were once small enough to fit inside my belly, and I couldn’t help but feel proud of the person you are becoming. I daydreamed about all the hopes I have for you and how fortunate I am to be your mother.
In summary, these moments of unintentional staring stem from admiration, empathy, and nostalgia for days gone by. They reflect the universal challenges and joys of parenthood, reminding us that we are all navigating this beautiful yet chaotic journey together.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out this article about home insemination kits. If you’re interested in resources about pregnancy, this site is a great place to start. Also, don’t miss this guide for comprehensive advice on self-insemination techniques.
Keyphrase: “parenting reflections”
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