One day, my 13-year-old daughter, Lily, came up with a bold proposal. “If you give me $100, I’ll cover all my expenses for the entire school year.” She had borrowed this idea from her cousin, who is known for her thrifty ways.
“What does ‘everything’ entail?” I inquired.
My partner chimed in, “Have her write a proposal.” Lily eagerly grabbed a pen, her imagination running wild with thoughts of the $100 bill.
I was hesitant for one simple reason: I was reluctant to part with a single lump sum of $100. But soon, it dawned on me that this could actually work out to my advantage.
At 13, Lily is eager for independence. She doesn’t want me helping her with her coat, fixing her hair, or reminding her to clean her room. She wants to choose her bedtime, pick out her clothes, and decide what goes into her lunchbox. And heaven forbid I suggest a haircut.
The road ahead is lined with high school, college, budgeting, and eventually motherhood. Could this $100 be a stepping stone to her independence?
Lily’s written proposal was extensive: all clothes, shoes, entertainment, food, sports events, and birthday gifts for friends were included. I hesitated; surely $100 wouldn’t stretch far enough. But she was adamant and handed me a pen. I signed the agreement.
September Spending:
- $20 on school supplies, including a set of colorful pens.
- A $5 shirt from a popular store.
- Two lip glosses for $7.
- A stylish pair of wedge shoes for $30.
I wish I could say I kept quiet about the wedge shoes, but when I gasped at the price, she shot me an annoyed look, reminding me it was her money. I quickly apologized and promised to hold my tongue. However, within thirty minutes, buyer’s remorse kicked in, and the shoes were returned.
I kept reminding myself: this was Lily’s experience, her lesson to grasp.
September was blissful for her; she felt wealthy and free to spend. She bought candy bars, a discounted pair of jeans, and even rewarded her siblings for minor favors.
By October 1st, she splurged on a trendy, furry blue coat for $40.
And just like that, her budget hit a wall.
October 2nd: broke.
October 5th: “I think we need to reassess my finances,” she said, her brow furrowed with concern. I smiled, knowing the agreement was set in stone. That’s when Lily took action. Whenever I dropped her siblings off, she’d ask, “Can I babysit?”
If she did chores at home, she’d inquire, “Can I get paid for that?” She even circulated a flyer through the neighborhood advertising her services. With the holidays approaching, a dance on the horizon, and new shoes needed for Spring track, she began to do the math.
She started picking up loose change and practiced the piano more regularly to earn cash from Grandma. The less desirable babysitting gigs were no longer turned down.
Surprisingly, this experience taught me a thing or two. I’ve always enjoyed shopping for Lily, but after this allowance was given, I had to refrain from swooping in to save the day. I did buy her a Chapstick once, and her gratitude was genuine.
Even after a month, I noticed a significant change in her approach to money. There were no more pleas for clothing; she preferred to manage her finances independently. To my astonishment, she expressed increased appreciation for the things I bought her.
Another unexpected outcome? Her three younger siblings now want their own $100 allowances. Instead of cringing, I just smiled. That means I’ll have a lot more spending money!
Here’s a suggested plan for parents considering a similar approach:
- Clarify expectations: define who covers what (kids can use their money for all “extra” or “fun” items).
- Help your child list their wants versus needs and discuss what belongs in each category.
- Assist them in creating a budget, documenting the plan on paper.
- Sign the agreement.
- Maintain a simple ledger or spreadsheet to track money in and out.
- Resist the urge to buy things for them or bail them out!
Lily hasn’t yet taken me up on my offer to pay her for chores like weeding the garden or cleaning the chicken coop (that day may come, or it may not), but I’m keeping my opinions to myself. I know that when she truly needs the money, she’ll ask.
My mother once said she assigned chores to build our self-esteem, a connection I dismissed as a teenager. Now, I see the empowerment on Lily’s face when she works hard to earn something she desires. It’s a feeling that clearly translates to happiness.
For more on building financial literacy and responsibility, check out our article on the importance of budgeting in the home. For additional resources on home insemination, visit Make a Mom or Mayo Clinic’s guide on insemination methods. If you’re prepared to take the next step, consider the Cryobaby home intracervical insemination syringe kit as a great option for your journey.