When I transitioned to being a stay-at-home mom, the organization of my week became crucial. I started to view my time as distinct segments—the pre-nap segment and the post-nap segment. That adds up to ten segments each week that require attention. By Sunday evening, those ten slots on my mental planner would start flashing, urging me to fill them. If those slots remained empty, I’d find myself feeling restless by midweek.
I typically occupied several of these segments with errands, grocery shopping, or perhaps a cooking session with the kids. A visit to the library claimed one slot. On particularly challenging days, we’d go to the pet store to admire cats. Yet, that still left me with five or six empty slots—hours that could easily morph into loneliness and boredom.
Those unoccupied time slots are why stay-at-home moms (SAHMs), like myself, rely heavily on their mom friends. If you’re situated far from family, your fellow moms often become your primary support network. When we welcomed our second child, the moms in my neighborhood rallied together to organize a two-week casserole delivery service. I remember feeling emotional as I dished up homemade pad Thai on the first day. “Maybe we should have a third child just to get more meals,” my husband joked on day fourteen, while cheerfully mopping up Marsala sauce with some bread.
These moms step in to care for your child when you need surgery, provide companionship during recovery, and share links to great sales like the Nordstrom one with free shipping. When you find yourself rushing your husband to the emergency room, they’ll be there to collect your kids and help ease your worries while you await X-ray results. They spend lazy summer afternoons with you, whipping up lemonade and introducing the kids to the game of blackjack. They even notice when your son longs for a personalized superhero cape and take the time to sew one for him. They offer invaluable parenting advice, such as, “Get two cans of shaving cream and put him in the bathtub for guaranteed 45 minutes of peace.” Essentially, for families with one parent at home, the SAHM community becomes a second family—a group of supportive moms and honorary siblings.
However, just like any group, tensions can arise. Perhaps two moms disagree over a relatively minor issue, like the cry-it-out method or how to handle disputes at the playground, leading one to feel judged. Or maybe some moms plan an outing and don’t extend the invite to everyone, resulting in hurt feelings. Real disagreements and personality clashes can occur, similar to any social circle.
These conflicts can feel magnified for two reasons: First, it’s a small, somewhat insular community reminiscent of high school, where you’re part of this group for a finite period, and these women are your companions during this chapter of life. Second, your fellow SAHMs fulfill multiple roles—they’re your coworkers, friends, and your children’s friends. The stakes are higher; a falling out with a fellow mom affects not only you but your child as well.
Recently, a friend of mine, Sarah, shared her frustrations about a disagreement with another mom in our neighborhood. Her brother dismissed her feelings, suggesting that she return to work because it all seemed trivial. (He conveniently forgets that her prior career as a chef is tough to juggle while raising young kids.) This comment angered both Sarah and me for a few reasons. For one, he often leans on her for last-minute childcare when he picks up freelance gigs. Sarah manages her kids along with his by inviting a couple of friends over for a fun afternoon of homemade pizza—giving him free babysitting. When their elderly mother needs support, Sarah is usually the one rushing to help while her friends watch her preschooler. He benefits from her social capital but dismisses her concerns about the relationships that foster that very capital.
This kind of sentiment—that the social dynamics among at-home mothers are trivial compared to any other group—is prevalent and disheartening. For those of us at home, these relationships are crucial for our emotional health and the well-being of our children. Whether we stay home by choice or circumstance, we contribute to our communities by filling essential gaps, such as the need for affordable childcare or elder assistance. Our connections matter just as much as any other. It’s worth noting that workplace dynamics and family relations can also plunge into pettiness, so it’s not as if those who work outside the home occupy a higher plane of social interaction.
In our community, the number of stay-at-home moms has diminished as our children have grown older. I’ve returned to work now, and the greatest loss I feel is no longer being part of that mom community. Those relationships were meaningful to me, serving as both friendships and a substitute for the extended family I lack nearby. In an age where families are often spread out and grandparents may be far away, it’s the moms who weave the fabric of the community. They are essential.
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In summary, the connections formed within the stay-at-home mom network are invaluable. They provide support, friendship, and a sense of belonging, creating a community that enriches the lives of both mothers and their children.
Keyphrase: stay-at-home mom community
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